I Am In Control.

• Chloe Peglar, Grade 10
• Short Story
• 2013

I AM IN CONTROL.
These four insignificant words but significant all the same for without them, I lose my semblance of control. The shrill scream of the doorbell interrupts my obsessive mind babbling like an explosion in my head, betraying my concentration, which I have strove for since my eyes defied me and opened, letting the searing light of day register in my brain and awakening me.

Tearing myself away from my confronting gaze, I bid my reflection goodbye with a parting glance and hurry to answer the door, realizing only now that minutes have already ticked by. I pause, attain my smiling façade, the grin is too much, I realise this straight away and reduce it to a mere pleasant smile and open the door leisurely to greet my guest.

No one is there. I have no guest. Is this a prank? No. My eyes tempt me with the sordid truth as I glance at my watch which tells me I am half an hour too late. I am not in control.

That watch brings me back to reality as the intimidating hands mark the hour. As my eyes leave the clock face and glimpse up again, the world is a different place. My fingers reach for the familiarity of the front door but instead greet the sides of a chair. What is happening, Where am I? I am not in control.

The sounds of ragged breathing shock my eardrums and then myself as I realise they are mine. I calm myself now as the location of my surroundings comes to my mind, evading my worries and revealing where I am.

In an office; I am in an office. Someone is trying to talk to me, the blurry tone of the persons voice vanishes as I force my senses to function and respond. “Are you listening to me? Hello?” The word yes bounces off my tongue, too quiet to be recognised as a word. I try again. “Yes.” I did it. I am in control.

With a start I realize the person I’m communicating with is my Doctor. I’m sitting in his office. “What you have is a very serious disorder here. You are in the last stages of dementia- a persistent disorder of the brain caused by brain disease or Injury, Symptoms you may be currently experiencing can include loss of memory or disturbance in time frame, You may find you aren’t able to respond to things or think clearly. These are all completely normal however...”

I shut his voice out of my mind and instead focused on the plant hanging on the wall reaching its tendril arms for the tufts of his hair. The plant was brown from lack of watering and hole ridden, as damaged and sore as my brain subconsciously, inevitably was.

I emphasized all of my concentration on this so I didn’t have to think about the sympathetic smile my doctor was aiming my way or the chaos, like a raging tornado, screaming through my head after the news I had heard. Abruptly the ear-piercing voice of the tornado in my mind erupts from my lungs and my vision blurs. The needle sharp piercing entering my skin near my elbow brings the eye of the storm with it for a while as sleep fails to evade me. I am in control.