Jessica


At Jessica’s school there were people who thought they were popular. Nobody else thought they were popular. These “popular” people had boyfriends and girlfriends. They didn’t love the people they were dating; they weren’t even vaguely attracted to them. They just had them to be more grown up.
Jessica thought this was stupid. Who would want to grow up? It just brought pain and complications and work. Plus you were closer to dying every second. Jessica didn’t want to grow up.
Jessica and her friends had sports on after school. Even though they lost, she had fun. When she was grown up she would have too much work to have fun. Even when she got to high school.
When she got back from sport her mother told her to have a shower and wash her hair. Jessica liked baths much better than showers and she tried to get out of it by telling her mother this was the third shower this week. Her mother had replied that since she was getting older she would need more showers. Jessica’s mother said that when she was in high school she would take a shower every day.
At first Jessica was mad with her mother. Jessica thought that she definitely would not be taking a shower every day. Then when she stepped into the shower and turned the water on she started crying. Jessica did not want to have a shower every day! Jessica did not want to grow up!
On Saturday when her parents were at her brother’s sport, Jessica took out her dollies and stuffed animals and played tea party. It was nice. Just like when she was little. Then Jessica’s mind started thinking about religion. Her parents hadn’t raised her as anything. They wanted her to decide. There were some religions that she might want to join and others definitely not. There was one main issue nagging her: Was God real? If he was then maybe she should go to church, but if he wasn’t she wouldn’t want to waste all that time of her life. But what if there really was heaven? Or, worse, what if there wasn’t? What would it be like when she died? Just black, just nothing? Jessica tried to imagine nothing and black and death. Jessica couldn’t. Jessica didn’t want to grow up.
When Jessica was meant to be in bed she was lying wide-awake, thinking. Sometimes she wished she could be little again and not have to think about death and war. Sometimes when Jessica thought too much her head hurt. But there was nothing to stop getting older and taller and having to do work. Jessica smiled to herself as she drifted off to sleep. She realised she didn’t have to grow up. Of course, she would still grow and change shape on the outside. But on the inside she would always be Jessica. She would always be a child. Jessica would never grow up.

By Lilith Cole

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