O.m.g

• Alexandra Boog, Grade 10
• Short Story
• 2006

Alexandra Boog
22 Braemar Circuit
Orange 2800
NSW
Age 15
Grade 10
Orange High School

O.M.G
(Oh my god!)


I’m, like, totally down to earth. Like, I know exactly how many calories are in a cake. I figure it out by myself by using some calculation they said in a magazine. Like, it has totally opened my eyes to the obesity problems in the world, and how cutting down on everything would result in weight loss.
And I’m, like, totally aware of the other problems in the world. Like poverty and hunger and the total lack of Gucci clothes in places like Africa. I mean, how do these people live?
And I fully support people who give their money to help people who are suffering. I tried to help them more directly and bought a new hairdryer so I could give them my old one but the guy at the post office said he couldn’t guarantee it would arrive exactly where I wanted it so I was like, whatever. I gave to another person in need; my friend Rochelle who desperately needed a quality hairdryer to keep her frizz under control. It felt good to know I helped somebody especially someone with a problem like hers. I hate frizz – it’s like the wrong shade of pink nail polish. Tacky!
I could also be one of the nicest people anyone could be fortunate enough to meet. I don’t laugh at anybody because they fell over or are wearing the completely wrong shoes. That’s because I fully understand what it’s like to completely humiliate myself.
This one time I was like, walking home and my crush was behind me. I started strutting my stuff, because I’m totally hot and he knows it, and I could tell he was loving it. Then this rock came out of nowhere and I like, tripped and fell over. My dress flew over my head, revealing my floral underwear.
Needless to say, I moved interstate.
Then there was that time when, at the school formal, my honeycomb coloured dress completely clashed with the lilac blue table settings. I nearly died!
Oh, and when I went to see my friend’s hot brother and it had been raining so my foundation was all blotchy. Yeah, that was real bad. I could never look him in the eye again.
But the thing I’m most worried about is the state of the government. Seriously, what justice system would let a convicted paedophile wander the streets unnamed? What health service turns dying people away because of a shortage of hospital beds, and then wonders why they are being criticized? What leader would send troops to a war that not only doesn’t concern us, but also increases the danger for everyone back home?
But, then again, who am I to make such statements? I’m like, totally politically unaware. The only reason I watch the news and read the papers is to see what trendy scarf the newsreader is wearing and see what celeb is in the country. Why would anything further than my nose concern me? I mean, I only live in a world in danger of tearing itself apart. Imagine if tomorrow never came. Where would I buy my new eyeliner?