A Baby's Heartbeat
Shirley Xu, Grade 7, St Monica's College
They said that it was impossible for me to walk again, but I didn't believe them. After 6 months of wondering listlessly around the house, I began to give up hope that I would ever move again. My parents gave me the name Mercy, because when my mother was about to give birth to me, she had a miscarriage and it was said that I wouldn't live. Yet, here I am today. Now, at 13 years of age, my body is showing signs of that miscarriage. There were symptoms like aching and pain during some aspects of my life but never as serious like this. My whole body is now paralysed and the emotions I feel are so bad sometimes I think there is nothing worth living for. At night, when I lie on my bed, I hear my mother crying softly and I feel as if my heart would break. There is that guilty feeling at the back of my head saying that I am their cause of pain but what am I to do about it? I refuse to go outside as it reminds me of all the things that I could have done, all the things I WILL DO when I get out of this wheel chair…
“Merry Christmas Mercy!” Ah, Christmas. Sweet yet bitter memories of us hanging up the Christmas tree decorations and baking gingerbread men made my head ache with sorrow. “Darling, Mercy, would you like to go to church today?” My mum looked at me hopefully, her face lined with anxiety. It had been a long time since I had stepped out of the house, too long actually. But yet, what was the point? I can’t move, why should I? But then again, fresh air might do me good. Do I still believe in miracles? Taking a deep breath, I gave a sharp nod to my mum whose eyes filled up with tears. She was finally happy. Driving to church was like a new beginning for me. Getting out of the car with the help of my dad felt even better. As we entered the church I noticed a baby and her mother by the front door. She saw me looking and kindly asked if I wanted to see the baby a little closer. I hesitated, not knowing how it would make me feel. After a few moments I said yes, and the baby was brought forward to me. As I looked at her, my heart seemed to melt and all that anger, all those black moods were washed away. I tried to lean in closer, and after a few attempts succeeded. Her blue soft eyes, her hands and feet so small. I smiled as I heard her laugh and I was silent for a moment, finally enjoying something of life in what seemed like ages. Then, I heard it. Baboom, baboom, baboom. It was her heartbeat; and then, at that moment, I knew that everything was going to be okay.