BAD COPS

• Flynn Bailey, Grade 5
• Short Story
• 2011

BAD COPS
One day there were two cops, Captain Foley and Sergeant Dunn, in their car listening to a police scanner. It said “Attention all officers – the donut factory is closing down and they are handing out free donuts.”
Foley turned to Dunn and said “Lets go.”
They drove as quickly as possible and then suddenly stopped after a few kilometres. They got out of the car to look upon the donut factory. They shuffled through the crowd saying, “move along nothing to see here.” A civilian called out, “But why is the factory closing down?’
Foley said suspiciously – “errr there was a murder here – go away”.
The officers walked into the factory and to their surprise discovered a dead body. Foley cried, “Wow there really was a murder here.”
Sergeant Dunn said into his radio, “Attention all units there is a murder in the donut factory - I want a gathering at the station, over”. Captain Foley then said, “so we don’t get our donuts then?”
Back at the station. Dunn explained that at the crime scene they had managed to recover a note from the killer saying: “You had best be fearing me, you’ll never find me. I am not in the pub”. The letter was signed “The Murderer”. Dunn explained that finding this man would be a high priority.
Sergeant Foley said to the other officers, “Take note...he is not in the pub.” He ordered his officers to destroy any suspicious looking building. Several minutes later his men returned claiming that they had destroyed all suspicious looking buildings including the school, the church, the children’s hospital and the orphanage. The only building we haven’t destroyed is the pub – because we know the murderer is obviously not there. The Sergeant said well we’re probably going to have to search it anyway.
They stormed the pub. The Sergeant told his men to break into every suspicious room they could find. When that failed they decided to look into the only unsuspicious room - the one with the sign saying “The Murderers Room”.
They were about to blow open the room with a small explosive when the owner of the pub said, “You know you don’t have to blow up every door you come to – they are already open.”
Sergeant Foley replied, “Yes but anyone who’s ever played ‘Modern Warfare Two’ knows that when you destroy a door to get in, everything goes in slow motion and is much easier to shoot.”
The pub owner looked at him and said, “You’re an idiot”. And he walked off.
In the room they found a huge bomb and an open window. They knew they had to cut the wires in the bomb to disarm it. Captain Dunn asked his officers to find something to cut the wires with. Foley opened a cupboard door. There lay a spoon and a knife. Foley reached out and.....took the spoon. He gave it to Dunn.
Dunn said, “A spoon????”
Foley replied, “It’s a very sharp spoon”.
Dunn started to cut the wires with the spoon and .....KABOOM!!