The School Survival Guide

• Luke Patitsas, Grade 7, Albert Park College
• Short Story
• 2011

Excellence Award in the 'Step Write Up 2011' competition

Warning: this story has a boring math scene that can put people to sleep. Also, themes in this story can be so crazy, some people might have to acquire 12 months of therapy.

Hi I'm Jason, now I'm going to give you a lesson about the jungle known as "high school" and how it is a very erratic place. Bullies,crazy math teachers and things like that are constantly coming up in a daily routine at my school. So, to the relief of all of you, my loyal followers I'm going to guide you through the dos and things that will get you shoved head first into a locker and trust me (from experience) its not cool.

First thing you need to know is where you are on the food chain. You know at the bottom of the list you got your nerds, goths/emos, geeks. Then in the middle you have the skaters, musicians. At the top of the food chain there are the footballers and cheerleaders. I'm in between the middle and the top, so I usually never get picked on ( the key word in that sentence is USUALLY).

Next thing to remember is which of your teachers are crazy, but always be cautious especially with the MATH teachers. My math teacher Mr. Alge-bra is seriously crazy. Take last Tuesday for example, we were doing long division and I got one question wrong and do you know what he did? He ripped my book in half! I mean what king of a teacher does that? Any way the thing that I tell you next is even worse.

You know how I said how bullies don't USUALLY pick on me? Well I know some people the do pick on. Usually you would think a bullies name was Butch or Shred but no, at our school the bully we all are panic-stricken about is a boy named....... Point-Dexter. Believe me when you see this boy you will understand, he is a six foot long brute who is most of the time gnawing on a raw piece of meat. If you have some one like this in your school, avoid them and try not to make eye contact and remember, they can smell fear.

One other crucial thing about being in high school is the Boyfriend-Girlfriend status. Now when your in a relationship although it does make you popular, you actually have to like the person your going out with. Unfortunately, you all can't be like me and have girls breaking down your door, so I wouldn't get so caught up.

Well now that I have passed down my words of wisdom, you can have a great time in high school. If you abide by the dos and don'ts in this story you won't have to worry about bullies and crazy teachers. But remember this quote, " you can't be more awesome then Jason!

FIN