A Boy Name Bill





There once was a boy named Bill. Pretty boring name hey. Well actually it is a quite extraordinary name. It was short for Bilbybilmaticus-robbyrayvee. He grew up in an area where no child should grow up, Boogytown. It was a really scary place, there were thugs everywhere. But that didn’t stop Bill from being the smartest in his class, the school boxing champion, and the nicest guy you’ll ever meet. Bill lives with his uncle. One day bill was home alone. He was watching deal or no deal while his uncle was at work. As he was watching it he heard a sudden snort, almost like a pig. Then all of a sudden a pig comes rolling down the chimney. Bill screams with all his heart, he runs to the kitchen to grab the phone to call his uncle, when suddenly he hears someone shout “STOP IT”. He looks at the pig. The pig says” I am balmolethew kransky, but you can call me kranks. There is a silence. “Are you Bilbybilmaticus-robbyrayvee?” the pig says “yes, yes I am.” Says Bill. “Good” Says the pig. “Then you’re coming with me.”

Bill finally decides to go with kransky after an argument that I do not want to go into. Bill says “Can you actually tell me what’s going on. Seriously I’m getting freaked out.” “You are a.” says kransky. “What, what am I, a pig or something.” Says Bill. Then finally kransky responds.” Actually you are.” Is anyone surprised? I mean who couldn’t see that coming. Kransky took him to the magical land of… Bills backyard. Bill asked what they were doing in his own backyard and kransky said “we are going to the super secret headquarters of course. But I like to call it SSHQ.” “Whatever.” Bill grunted. All of a sudden a crazy elevator just pops up right in Bill’s face. “Ya right mate.” Says Bill in a high pitch voice. As they step into the elevator Bill starts to wonder if he made the right choice going with kransky. All of a sudden the underground mole squad attacks the SSHQ. “RUN.” Screams kransky. “It’s up to you to save the operation.”

That experience was about 100 years ago and Bill failed to save the operation. Sadly 90 pigs out of 100 died in that attack including kransky. After Bill found out that he was part pig he wondered what to do with his life. So he became an ambassador for pigs, even though it was supposed to remain a secret forever. He sadly died in 1928. R.I.P Bill the pig.

By Clint Butterworth

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