I Am But A Man

• Jamie Felstead, Grade 12
• Short Story
• 2014

Her eyes are like the seeing of tomorrow, I crave just a glimpse, from those wandering eyes, just a touch to my own. I yearn for that look, for her; I watch her, I watch her eat, I watch her sleep, but she does not know me, not anymore.
I once was the focus of that stare, the reason for the pink in her cheek. But those days have passed, and she is gone from my grasp, instead I’m forced to watch her beauty behind this glass. My senses go crazy as they all long for her, never to hear, never to touch; only to see.
Sometimes I wish it was me that I was the one who was freed from time, instead of being doomed to a life of repeating, trapped living in a past reality, never to move forward, never to let go. Just waiting, watching. It was that darn accident I tell you, I’ve replayed it enough times to know the truth. I could never tell her, that it was my fault; I did this I caused this. I tore that beauty, pierced that flawless skin, but neither of those is why I can never see her again. It was that bump to the head, I feared almost instantly the effects it would have, between the flashes of the light I saw her, I only prayed that she did not feel it, as her head broke through the glass, shards went flying everywhere, there were no screams, no sound, everything stopped, time froze. I felt my own heart seize as my very breath hitched whether because of the seat belt pinching into me or my self-conscious already knowing our fate. All I could do was sit, watch and hope that her next life would be kinder, but I got no such luck, I deserved no such luck.
Fate had already decided she would start again, from scratch that is. Remember nothing; be freed from my monstrosity, free to start a new life. So you see I dare not enter her life again, for fate has made it so, who am I but a man to deter fate from its path, to deny her of this gift, to restart life, escape the demons of her last.
But if our eyes, did dare meet I would not look away I would hold her gaze for as long as she allowed me so. You see I still hold the hope that she’s in there somewhere. But do I dare wish for her to come out, would I be that selfish to ask?
The doctors all think I’m crazy, she doesn’t remember a thing, and shows no sign of progress. In my desperate attempts to prove the doctors wrong, I hadn’t even realised I’d pushed myself up against the cool confinements of the glass, it’s like looking upon an animal in the zoo and begging for it to move.
Just one look I plead and it will be enough for me to leave, just find me here across the room. I will wait for you my love, I won’t be deterred, I’ll be back tomorrow, you’ll see.
Just remember me, one day, please…?