Sadness, Suicide & Saviours

• Maddison Dalby, Grade 7
• Short Story
• 2014

I wish I could tell you everything was fine. But it's truly not and it hasn't been for a very long time. I have never shaken that bad, I've never screamed so silently, I've never felt pain like that. I shook like that once, when I cut myself for the first time, but never to that extent. I thought I had witnessed pain, pain unlike any other. But this was pain, wrapping me inside it's dark arms, screaming my name, pulling at my body like a storm does to a house. This was true sadness, sadness depression could not take, whimpering in a corner like a lost puppy. This sadness was temporary, with a permeant scar. I was truly frightened of the situation going on around me without stop. The sound of her voice on through the telephone line, her sobs drowning in the sound of my own. How do you stop the pain that isn't yours to stop? Waves of emotions, early morning text messages and hoarse voices. Ripped apart into pieces that cannot be fixed by anyone of any expertise. How do you scream when there is nothing to scream about? How do you unlock the cage from inside? They have the audacity to thank me, I am no hero, I don't deserve this praise while the other half of me is punished. There will be no medals, no debts because I am in debt to death. It swallowed me whole, into the darkness with strange dreams whilst I cry long into the night. Regret after regret I count them one by one. More than anything, I want the darkness to welcome me into its open arms. Selfishly, I want to hide away and never speak again, especially not to her nor her family. They will thank me, I don't want to be thanked for this, this was not mine to undo, should've I just handled it without letting them know? Everyone is telling me how grateful they towards me, but she is not grateful, the only one I wanted to save, she is not even relieved. I don't ever want to go back to where they will embrace me and thank me, all I want to do is thank her. Have I ruined things to the point where I have lead death straight to the body? My troubles seem so little now in perspective but my demons have gained every power they need to surround me, like an ambush. They have cut me off from every source of calm, relaxation and serenade and instead of blurry lights in the distance there are flashes of white light. The lights had colours, like cars in the distance on the highway to happiness, now I am stranded on this road to nowhere, spotlights reflect on me, but their shut off to quickly for me to see anything. I scream for her, I breathe for her, but how do I save her from herself?