I Lose

• Zoe Shanahan, Grade 6
• Short Story
• 2014

I Lose

I look at myself lying in bed and see nothing but ugly. A single tear runs down my face as I wonder how I can ever survive. My heart is an anchor, dragging me down to the bottom of a deep dark ocean. My mother sits in the chair beside my bed, her face tense and lined. How many days has she sat there, I have lost count. I imagine my funeral as if it is happening now. Me laying there in the cold coffin, blaming myself for not living a full life. I like to think of myself as the strongest woman alive, standing tall and proud, but I’m kidding myself and I know it. I am in my skeleton body, starving. My mind won’t let me eat. I am trapped in my head and in this hospital. A drip desperately pours liquid food into my emaciated, pathetic body. I am a prisoner, locked up in a hospital ward. The nurse arrives with yet another small plate of food, trying to tempt me. What a waste of her time. I am petrified. What is on that plate? She insists I hold the fork and look at the disgusting egg. I am so weak. The fork feels like a heavy axe. Will my wrist bones shatter in to a million pieces? I cannot move the fork. I remind the nurse angrily “I cannot and will not eat” She takes the plate and walks away. I slowly drift into sleep wondering what the next nightmare will be. In one hour the Doctor will come and weigh me. My heart aches. It feels like life or death. I so desperately want to escape this situation. I want a normal life more than anything in the world. I cannot eat but I pray that the liquid food oozing into my veins will save me. I hear the doctor’s footsteps enter my room. I open my exhausted eyes. My body is freezing and I’m going to be sick. “Hi. Stand up” says the Doctor. I do as he asks. As I struggle to stand, I look down at my legs, they are skin and bone, every outline of every bone so obvious to see. I start shaking, my legs cannot hold me upright. This is the moment of truth. I slowly step onto the scales. I am weak…weak… the room starts spinning, faces and furniture blur. My knees buckle under me. I hear a loud crack. What is that? My head has smashed into the cold hard tiled floor. I lay there, hearing nothing but my mother’s screams “Zoe…Zoe…Nooo….” The heart monitor beeps slowly fade far off into the distance until I hear nothing more. I am gone.