Surrender

• Dina Strangaric, Grade 12, Monbulk College
• Short Story
• 2015

Excellence Award in the 'The Write Track 2015' competition

'Do you know what it’s like…'
My eyes clamp shut as I teeter on the edge of the wooden bridge, feeling every grain of raised wood press into the pads of my feet. They leave little indentations; etch their mark into my skin, just like the words on my heart. I raise my hands, staring at them with watery eyes. I’m not crying - it’s not like that at all.
'To wanna surrender'
The river rushes under my feet, so very close. It’s as if I can see every detail of my life in the rivulets that tumble over the pebbles at the bank, and rush over the leaning grass that grows between them, on the harsh ground. I find it amazing, how such a small blade of grass can be so resilient. If I could be half as determined…
'I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow'
I watch silently, almost in awe as a rush of water pushes against the blades, forcing them to the ground. Flat, they press themselves against the mud almost as if they’re hanging on for dear life, refusing to give up. If I could be half as hopeful.
'I don’t want to live like this today…'
The wind shoves me forward and I almost let myself fall, but something keeps me from letting go. Is it something..? Or someone..? Is it her? Who would care if I’d let go? Why can’t I let go? I don’t want to hang on; I want the wind to push me gently, with her cold fingers. So why does my heart lurch each time I consider?
'Stay with me here now, and never surrender…'
Warm hands sliding around my neck, my own slipping around her thin waist. “I love you…hold on…please....” I wish she had stayed, I wish it so fiercely I can feel my heart thumping groggily at the thought of it. If I could have that little piece of heaven look at me one more time…
'You make me feel better'
I’d knelt there, before the carved stone amidst the wilting flowers. Such an ugly rock for such a beautiful angel.
'Put me back together!'
The world spins and I’m almost flying for a moment. I can feel the ache in my muscles as I pull my wings together and then push them out again. It takes me higher - takes me into the clouds.
'Stay with me here now'
The cold hits me with brutal force, seeping through my shirt. I didn’t know the clouds would feel like this...
'And never surrender…'
My wings stiffen. Water swims into my ears and floods into my eyes. Through the shimmering haze of my quickly darkening sight, I see the blade of grass detach itself from between the rocks. It swirls around in the water, shuddering, as my heart shudders. The angry river pulls it under.
You see? I want to whisper to her, you see? It couldn’t hold on after all…