Half A Heart

I'm Amber, I'm 15 and I still read fairy tales. I'm different to everyone else. My dad died when I was 6 and my mum has never been the same since. You could say that it’s like true love falling apart, that she only has half a heart left. I on the other hand, went back to what I did with my dad. Reading fairy tales. Since then I have grown to understand the true meaning of story. That it isn't real. I have also learnt that true love is only in fairy tales. My heart is broken for my mother. When I was younger I made cookies out of play doh to make her feel better. She would always "eat” it and laugh when I made a joke. She would be my "Santa". But now I know that was just a show, a play that I watched over and over again. For my birthday two years ago, instead of a phone I got this. My mother’s broken heart. A huge weight that I have to carry on my shoulders. That is almost unbearable. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know that if I can do this, then I must be able to do anything. My theory turned out to be wrong. I could do a lot of things, but the one thing I couldn't do, was to find a way to save Cameron. Cameron was different. He was kind and helpful. He was able to take the weight of my shoulder for a couple of minutes. Then last year he died in a car crash. Now between me and my mum, we only have 1 heart and two very heavy weights that no one can lift.
The fairy tales that I read let me escape. I escape to a new world, a better world. A world I can enjoy. This world is the opposite of mine, I can’t enjoy my world. My time is spent trying to hold that weight. It’s like running down a tunnel, knowing there is no end. Before there was a small light, Cameron. Now that light has stopped glowing and has gone to heaven. My life is hell. And I don’t know how to fix it, or even if I knew, if I could do it by myself.
My mum is like a robot. Doing what she has to then turns into a statue on the couch, staring at the TV that isn’t even on. I wish I could do that. I have to do things so we can still live. Not that I want to live, but that’s what I do. I have to work at the tiny café down the street and go to school. I have to shop for food and cook. I have to take care of mum, even when it should be the other way around. I wish my life was different but that’s how it is. My life with only Half a Heart.


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