I Am Grace

• Laura Dennison, Grade 12
• Short Story
• 2015

Have you ever been in such a bad place that you don’t think that there is any point in living anymore? A place so bad and so scary that you do things that you could imagine. Well I’ve been there. I was in such a bad place that nothing could ever make me feel right, I wasn’t happy. What I did in that year was unspeakable, stupid, and heartless, the monster in me didn’t care. I still remember everything I did, from the name calling to the kicking, hitting and the stealing of her things. It wasn’t her fault, but she didn’t know that, she was a victim of my pain and suffering. I made her go through hell, to the point where she gave up, and now I am left here, trying so hard to be forgiven and to pick up the pieces left behind.
I am Grace and I am 14 years old. I have just killed someone. Someone who was innocent, someone who didn’t deserve to die. Everything is my fault. I bullied her to death. I can still remember trying to hunt her down and find her in the school yard just to tell her she was fat, or that she should die. I knew that it was wrong, I couldn’t stop myself. I remember the look of terror in her eyes every lunch time. Fear, fear of me, of what I was doing. That was the look I liked to see in her, the look I wanted her to have every lunch time. I wanted her to feel my pain. I guess she did.
I still remember turning on the radio and hearing the news. School was closed that day. Nobody knew how to act or what to say to each other. I sat there in silence. I feared that they would come for me, they would tell me this mess was all my fault, and they would put me away. After all this was all my fault, I killed her. I was so caught up in my own pain that I couldn’t see how far I was going, how bad I was making her feel. I was stupid. She needed saving, but nobody could see it. She put on a brave face to the world, something I should have done. Now I’m left here trying to figure out all the unanswered questions and put my life back together piece by piece.
I am Grace and I am 14 years old. I am a murderer, a bully, and a monster. I cannot be forgiven for what I did, and I do not want forgiveness. All I want is to go back in time and be there for her, to stop her from what she did. I know that can never happen and that I will always be Grace, the girl who killed someone.