Want For A Wish

It sits so innocently in his palm, beckoning. It calls to me, “What harm can I do?” it seems so pure and clean, and white, representing respect and role models. His grin is that of someone giving me an early birthday present, not something that once in my system, poisons my brain and clear thinking. My brow furrows. What could be in there? Battery acid? Arsenic? He gestures towards me with his hand. His grin is stretched so wide, it seems to split his face in half, into two glowing pieces. “It’s fine,” he assures me. “Trust me. You’ll love it.” I so desperately want to trust him. I feel like a glass on the edge of the table, ready to tip. At any moment I can fall and shatter into a million pieces, but at least I’ll fall into his arms. I’ve always been so good. I half expect my phone to start buzzing urgently, my best friend or mum warning me to stop. Not to get caught up in his fantasies. “It’s not good for you!” they’ll beg, but my phone stays silent and dead on the bed. His smile starts to fade but a grin tugs at the corners of my mouth. His eyes light up. “I knew I could count on you.” He murmurs into my hair. “I love you.” I swallow it quickly, trying not to think about what I’ve done. The whole world lights up like thousands of fairy lights have suddenly been strung up. He grabs my hands, whirling me around the room, laughing. I dance like I’ve never before, eager to capture every delicious moment. My teeth gleam in my mouth, my face covered in superficial smiles. Even though there is nobody to see, I feel heady with the taste of paradise.
We jumped out onto the street, wild with the drug of love. The warm summer air was filled with the whisperings of late night partygoers. Everybody seemed as happy as I was, smiling and giggling as I walked past. I flung my arms out and turned a graceful turn, as if the world was perfect. My eyes glowed, reflecting the buzzing streetlights. I glanced beside me into his eyes, and saw they were clouded with anger. His nostrils flared like that of an agitated horse. He had spotted an Arab kid, alone and walking without a care. His smile was pleasant, but when he spoke to him, there was barely concealed hatred in his voice. He landed a well-aimed kick at his stomach. The boy doubled over, groaning on pain. He kicked until I could see the blue-black bruises appearing on the writhing boy on the ground. All the while, the boy was muttering a word under his breath. The same word over and over, which I assumed was some kind of Arabic swear word. I later found out he was calling for his mother, lying on the ground in pain.
Some people never stop wishing. Some people wish for peace and equality. Others wish simply for someone to notice and love them, some want to tell the world what they think, but it seems that nobody cares. Some people want to know what to do with their lives, and others just want the simple gift of life itself. Some people want what they can never have.
I sit bolt upright in bed. The sunlight flows into my eyes, blinding me from harsh reality. I try desperately to capture the glittering shards. Delirium, or practicality, takes over. And there’s one thing I wish; I wish to be free from this nightmare.

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