Happies And Ending

Though it’s not unusual, my parents had a pretty damned divorce. Finally, finally I understand. I understand why tears were created. I understand why they debated. I understand that there is worse, I understand that things will hurt. I understand that even the path we are set on isn't a road or a smooth park path way. It’s a freaking mountain, that doesn't just fly up, and once you reach the summit, you have no problems in the world, that everything will just be fluffy. Don’t get me wrong I believe in happy, just not in endings. But in my case my parents were far from it. Far from there happy. Far from protection. Far from the gravel road everyone assumes there stumbling across. My mum's “other half” bought a one way ticket to Switzerland, he sat me down, and said two words that shattered my light into complete and utter dust, plunging me into the darkness. I felt better in darkness, like nothing can hurt me if I'm already dead inside. It was better than having to hear those words, “see ya”, and still knowing I'm staying here. He left me like a ton bricks, all chipped up and disposed of. Not good enough to be by his side, not good enough to be his daughter. Mummy sat on the phone for hours on end, while my little sister and I sat crying, listening, completely oblivious of what was there. The reasons. I knew, I could just feel it. It was sudden, like being strangled with no objections and no struggle. Like I was letting it happen, I knew, I could just feel it. Everything my mum and dad went through was my entire fault. And as I sat there, 8 years old, I thought to myself, happy doesn't exist, but now the end does. As I fell asleep, my last day in hell, I remember the few good times, I don’t remember well. I looked down at my ankles and strange scratch like marks appear, I knew I had gone too far, the end, the end was here. As I lay in peace, finally with no fear, the angel take me away, at last I shed no tear. So now if you would ask me if there is an end, I would say of course not, it’s just a crooked bend. Now I am happy, knowing I can still looked down from time to time, knowing that everything is no longer a problem between them. I sacrificed myself; I just loved to them too damn much to let their love go to waste. And as much as they still argue, I know that deep inside they are truly happy knowing that endings subside.

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