Seeds Of Remorse

Excellence Award in the 'Top Secret 2016' competition

I don’t want to hurt him, I never did. If I could just go back, I could change it all. This would never have to happen. But you reap what you sow. We’re standing in complete and utter silence, my gun aimed at his head and his at mine, but as I look at him, his face is cold. No emotion can been seen, just a grimace as he awaits a gunshot.
My actions worry me. As I’m standing here my hands sweat forcing me to readjust, as to remind me what’s at stake. A man’s life! He doesn’t move as though one movement from him, could end the world.
Could I surrender? No! He would think me cowardly. I’m scared. What would people think of me? What would I think of me? But no matter I’m not moving. He brought it on himself. Or did I? I no longer know anything, I can’t think straight. Every second is a new thought. Do I kill him? Should I kill him? Could I actually kill him? Am I the monster that he now perceives me as?
I look at his face as sweat rolls down. I tilt my head in curiosity. Is it nerves or is it the heat that is causing him to sweat?
I realise that this is not me, I couldn’t shoot, and I couldn’t kill. As I begin to lower my gun, his aim stiffens. Readying to fire, focussing on my head. I scare, lifting my gun back up aiming straight at his head, but this time pushing my gun closer, showing him I’m not afraid and that I will shoot. But I’m scared and I could tell that he was to, because after I settled my aim I looked to his face and I was horrified with myself. This man probably has a family, maybe a child. He let out a gasp, knowing that this may be it and that his life now rests in my hands. I don’t like the feeling of playing God, who lives and who dies.
I look at him with sorrow and regret, my eyes beginning to tear up.
“I was willing to let this go. I was just about to walk away, but you couldn’t let me. Why?” I scream.
“I don’t know,” he cries struggling to keep it in, and as I watch him try to contain his emotions, mine come pouring out. I can no longer control them. I start to cry, my hands become shaky and then BANG, I’m knocked back. My head rings in pain like I’ve been hit, then I look over, I have shot him. I begin to scream, I couldn’t control it knowing I took his life. I scramble over to him trying to regain thought of what to do? As I looked at him I mutter “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” and as I say these words, gasping for air he replies “I know”.

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