Happy

• Sara Rowe, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2017

You know that state of numbness? Where you’re at that point in your life where it’s just “Oh, Ok.” All the time. Some people ask me if I’m happy and I always thought I was, so I thought about it. There are nights were I’m staying up late with my friends, mucking around and laughing till my stomach cramps. The nights were I stay up late just to talk to them and they stay up just to talk to me. But then there’s those nights were I’m up all night because I can’t sleep. My eyes are burning from the tears, my pillow and shirt soaked and my hand clutching my stomach so tight that there’s a big red mark, just so I don’t scream. I have my face buried in a pillow and my throat aching. I have flash backs of every terrible memory I poses. Everyone who’s hurt me and I feel all alone again, like nothings changed. I remember every fist that met my body, every scream I held and every cut I hid. I remember how much I hate myself and how much I want to die.
That’s when I wonder if I was really ever happy at all.
You can never trust other people. I regret opening up to so many people, they didn’t deserve to know me like that. The harsh reality is, you are alone and no one will ever truly understand you. You’re the only one who will be there for yourself when you need. You are the one and only You. So, I sat myself down, stroked my hair, wiped my face, held my hand and said, ”Your OK”.