Fall From Grace

Fall from grace

Do you know that feeling? The sinking pit of dread that lurks like a weight at the bottom of your mind, weighing your every choice? The dread that coils around you like a snake, tightening until you snap? I was sick of that burden, I wanted freedom. That’s why I jumped of the rail. That’s how I, Ava Hale, fell from grace.

As I stood on the side of the deck, precariously close to the edge, my thoughts whipping themselves into a hapless frenzy; one stood out. Would they search for me? would they think it was an accident? As I pondered this, a throat cleared nervously behind me. ‘It’s 8 O’clock miss, are you all right?’ the young steward asked. I gathered my courage and as the wind distorted my words, flinging them in his face ‘No I am not all right, I am angry and sad, and broken and I can’t be fixed!’ I screamed. I clambered shakily on to the rail and as he leapt forward, I jumped.

Alice in Wonderland was a lie, you didn’t fall slowly, didn’t have time to gaze at your surroundings. Apparently there was a giant splash. The waters icy, splintered, fingers grasped me, cloaking senses I didn’t know I had, an incoherent thought bubbled the sludge of my mind. The fall had not killed me, that I knew. But surely, surely the water would.

‘Ava’, ‘Ava’, ‘Ava. The water whispered my name and I fought to stay conscious, I kicked towards; not sunlight but the dull glow of torches. I broke the surface feebly and my brain and lungs surrendered to my only available occupancy; breathing.

A drop of rain, followed by another and another, until it could only be described as a storm. The waves picked me up as though I were a toy. Each pelting down, stinging my skin.

With a jolt I remembered my mission so easy to accomplish if I just slipped below the waves, just let go. I realised it then. It wasn’t my time to die. With an effort that nearly stopped my heart, I waved my deadened arms and cried out. The searchers shouted in joy and relief and a life boat sped over to me. Arms, lots of arms lifted me up onto the boat, and I could relax with a sigh I felt free, lighter, empowered, despite nothing changed. It was my cry for help and now I will get it.

The end.