The Problem With Bagels

• Matthew McCaull, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2017

'Sir, the ship is sinking," Aballach shouted till he was blue in the face, "you cannot just sit there."
Aboard the mighty ship 'Balderdash' a minor problem had arisen, the ship was sinking. To make it worse, the captain didn't seem too eager to leave his unfinished bagel.
"This is getting ridiculous A, I don't really see what the problem is."
"The problem sir, is the large hole currently located in the middle of the bloomin' deck," Aballach hollered as he struck the bagel from the captain's hand.
"That, my dear Aballach, is no reason to waste a perfectly good bagel," the captain lectured.
"I don't think you truly understand the seriousness of this situation sir," Aballach shouted.
"Of course I understand," the captain said standing up. "I wasn't made captain for nothing."
"Oh, thank my lucky stars, we're finally getting somewhere," Aballach remarked. "Now move your caboose out that door."
Aballach ran out the door expecting the captain to follow, when he didn't Aballach returned to the deckhouse to see the captain sitting down eating his bagel. The only reason he stood up was to retrieve it from the floor.
"You have got to be kidding me, how long does it take to eat a flamin' bagel?"
"Well it's extremely difficult to get the bagel in your mouth during a storm like this," the captain pointed out. "Eating in conditions such as these takes years of practice." "Something you've probably had a lot of," Aballach muttered. "Hey! I heard that."
"I don't care what you heard, if you take much longer you won't hear anything, you'll be dead! So take your stupid bagel and do something."
"You'll hurt the bagel's feelings," The captain retorted.
"It doesn't have feelings. It's a bagel. Now hurry up!"
"Alright, alright. I'm coming." The captain stood up and walked towards the door. He grabbed the doorframe for support with one hand. He still gripped the remainder of his bagel with the other. When the captain saw the extent of the damage he was aghast. Pieces of the ship littered the ground, and he was standing knee deep in water. The captain shook his bald head in disbelief. The crew members were strewn across the deck, struggling to escape the oncoming water.
Then, rather unexpectedly, at that particular moment, a monstrosity of a wave slammed into the boat and tipped it nearly on its side. Most of the crew were thrown into the ocean including Aballach and his captain.
"Look what you've done you halfwit," Aballach screamed, muffled by the sound of the waves, "This is all your fault."
Forced to defend his reputation the captain spluttered back, "This is not my fault, you should have told me sooner."
Up to this moment the bagel had consumed most of the captain's thoughts, until he realised a small problem.
"My dear Aballach, I can't swim."