I Fear...

• Jennifer Biggin, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2018

I fear abandonment. Being left in the darkness. Alone. I’m stuck in a silent and empty void. There is no escape. No window I can lead from, and no bridge that can take me to the other side. Hello? Can anyone hear my desperate cry for help?

I fear affection. Love. Attention. Friendship. They are all foreign emotions. Because when I love, you leave. Please don’t leave. What if I finally open up to you, and you decide I wasn’t good enough? Will you leave me too?

I fear being a child. The world demands, and yet its orders I can’t comprehend. I have been forced to grow up. Really, I am an adult in a child’s body. What more work would you like me to do? Are you happy with your delivery world, or am I not good enough? Do I not fit the description?

I fear being myself. I can be wild and unpredictable, just like the windiest winter’s day. My mind has built indestructible iron walls keeping me in. No door. No escape. I may lose my mind, as I constantly stare at the prison gates. Am I going mad, or has madness already taken over?

I fear death and its uncertainties. Heaven. Hell. Paradise. What does it all mean? So many questions that can only be answered by leaving the living. Will I float and join the fallen, or travel through complete nothingness? Will I meet you on the other side and wave hello, or tumble down Alice’s rabbit hole never heard of again?

I fear life and its wicked game. I know I must stay strong and survive the battle, but what if I can’t? I know I must strike what frightens me most and defeat it once and for all, but what if I lose against this raging battle? Will I survive?

Should I lay down my weapons and finally stop this ongoing war inside of me, or gather my troupes and head to the heart of the battle? But I fear I may not survive…