I Just Need To Be Empty

• Zoe Roberts, Grade 10
• Short Story
• 2018

The fridge was packed with cartons of milk, eggs, some vegetables and plates of left over food. “How did they get this stuff” I could hear Don’s engine humming from the room above. I pulled out the plates of leftovers, I felt sick but I ate all the food. The voice was there “What have you done, hold your tongue next time, no one will love you like this” I pulled out my flask and downed the whole thing. I rummaged through my bag, pushing my lighter and cigarettes out of the way. I pulled away a packet of pills “Side effects, nausea” I quietly rushed to the bathroom. I took a deep breath then swallow the small blue pills. I bent over the sink, struggling to keep myself standing, I threw up again and again, and again. I froze as I heard the whirring sound of Don starting up, I splashed water to wash off the vomit and shoved the pills into the back pockets of my pants. I quickly opened the door to find the boys standing outside “Sorry, didn’t mean to take so long” “Don is programmed to care for us, so if he senses that someone needs help, he will start up” Corey cocked his head to the side. Uni trotted up beside Corey “The food’s gone”. All the boys turned back to me “So you won’t eat during the day but you will eat everything at 2 in the morning, what’s going on Sky?” Adam crossed his arms “Uni do a sniff check” “You don’t even know me, why does this bother you” “They don’t want you collapse again” “Don!” the boys flushed red. Uni had finished sniffing and gave me a look of fear “It’s not something I really like to talk about but I’m so broken” “What do you mean Sky” Adam looked most concerned “My whole life has been around death, I watched my father die, I watched my best friend kill my new friends, I watched my best friend kill countless strangers and I watched my best friend, my brother die” I sighed “Even from a young age, drinking, drugs, pills, smoking helped me cope” Adam grabbed my shoulders “Doing all that could’ve killed you” “I wasn’t afraid of death because I was suffering from something worse” my eyes filled up with tears “I have an eating disorder, I have a voice that’s always there telling me that I’m not good enough, that the only way to fix myself is to be empty and so I starve myself eating next to nothing all day, eating everything at the end and then throwing everything back up. Max would try to help but I...” my words drifted off as I slowly started falling, Adam grabbed me “I will save you” I sunk into his grasp as the tears drenched his shirt.