Lost

Screams echoed through the night sky, the sound of guns floated into ears. You could feel the fear and empathy towards the soldiers. I was the youngest, most frightful soldier.
I never had that thought of war being this tragic. I was in reality. The sight of dead people, lying in a pool of blood. Unexpected from myself. I could hear my mother crying for me across the world.
I held my tears back and threw myself on the dirt dreaming about the good times that would make me smile but nothing worked. Looking at the people that I have killed. I felt ‘Lost.’
My mind would blow up with different thoughts. I always had the thought that my mum was annoying and mean. But soon I realised that the people that annoy you the most, are the ones that love you the most.
I never thought about joining the war thoroughly. I never made my mum proud, I was always the one that caused trouble. I always let her down… I was thinking about all of these thoughts that I couldn’t shut down. I was lying in my trench when I heard a bullet flying close towards me by the second. I shut my eyes tight, believing that this was my end, it wasn’t.
I vigilantly opened my eyes to see my best mate laying on me without any kind of movement. I stuttered out, “Mi-Mi-cha-el?” He didn’t respond. At this point I really thought I was a mistake. I felt bewildered in my mind. My hands were shaking. I felt a chill down my back. I gradually pushed Michael next to me gently. I stood up as straight as a pencil and bent down on my knees. I reached towards his arm and grabbed it. I tried to feel his pulse but everything was silent.
I couldn’t hold back my tears, I started crying until I heard nothing but cheering. I saw my country cheering when I stood up. We won the war. All I could feel was a sense of disappointment. I didn’t even kill many soldiers… all I did was make things worse and kill my team member.
My mind was all over the place. I knew never to participate in the military again but after those miserable, terrible, scary days. I still felt ‘Lost’.

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