What She Lost

• Naomi Stephens, Grade 12, North Sydney Girls High School -
• Short Story
• 2019

Excellence Award in the 'Inspired 2019' competition

A key. A scarf. An iPhone. Her sister.

These are all that Maha has from home.

The iPhone dies on the second day of the journey, when she lands in Jakarta with a child clinging to her hand and the sorrow of a country in her eyes. She keeps it anyway because she knows by now that you have to hold on to everything you’ve got. When the man with the boat demands payment, she gives it to him, buying them a future for 400 000 Syrian pounds.

A key. A scarf. Her sister.

Her key was in her pocket on the day they left. A useless key, to a house that is nothing but rubble. Still, Maha likes to take it out late at night. She feels the jagged edge, and imagines she can reach out and unlock the door and be home. Sometimes when she does this she can almost smell the spices of the kitchen, hear her mother’s gentle humming as she cooks. Then she remembers that she doesn’t have a home anymore – or a mother – and she grips the key until it bites into her palm. It is when she is on the deck of the boat that it slips out of her hands. She reaches out, one hand on the railing, but grasps only the salty spray of the sea.

A scarf. Her sister.

Maha never used to wear hijab. She thought she might start when she got older, maybe, but she wasn’t sure. Now, the threadbare brown scarf is all she has left from her mother, and she winds it tight around her head every day as if it can shield her from the world. She clutches it as she falls asleep next to Amani, lulled by the rocking of the boat, and she pulls at its threads with trembling fingers when the big ship comes. On the island, it is the armour that protects her from the mosquitos and the shouting and the locals’ poisonous stares.

Three years pass. Maha rips the scarf into pieces to bandage the cuts on Amani’s arm.

Her sister.

Eight months and two suicide attempts later, the plane comes for Amani. Maha has prayed for this day for what feels like a lifetime. This island is killing her sister and the doctors with their kind eyes and English that she can half understand will do their best to help Amani, she knows. But when they take Amani’s small hand and lead her away, it takes two guards to hold Maha back and a tranquilliser to silence her screams. After the sedatives invade her mind, she dreams of a beautiful country which only exists in memory and a boat that never finds land. When she wakes up, there is four thousand kilometres and all the power of a nation between her and her sister.

Her.

Maha thinks this island is killing her too.