If Only You Were Still Here

• Ka Yui Wong, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2019

The unpleasant smell of chemicals didn’t faze Ian anymore.
He became used to it after the first week, actually, along with the same cream-coloured walls, same white sheets and same whirring hum of machinery. Nothing mattered anyway, except for the raven-haired girl lying in front of him.


If only I could turn back time.

As if on cue, the side of his head flared up in agony, strangling him with his past. A beer bottle shattering against his skull. Her muted sobs when the front door slammed shut. The deafening horn of the car. The crash.


But there was only one memory that wasn’t part of the blurred nightmare: the rings. The beautiful gunmetal grey of the rings, steel because they were strong, the two of them, or they tried to be because there was no one to fall back on, and their vulnerability was simply begging to be taken advantage of.
That vow was left behind as Ian remembered the sound, the clatter of metal on asphalt as Elaine’s promise band descended to the ground alongside herself; tearing him open with no one to comfort him beside the echoed scream of his lover’s name.


If only I was the one hit.

The booming laughter of children miraculously drifted up to the top floor of the hospital, catching Ian’s attention. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he took a moment, and observed. He saw the trees swaying in the summer breeze, people strolling at the park and the way a kaleidoscope of colours exploded through the air when the sun struck their twin rings.

He paused before clutched her hand gently, but the beat of hesitation still rang clear. Ian realised after all this time, he still couldn’t forgive himself.
The epiphany led him to tears as Ian unleashed his bottled emotions in the form of sobs. The guilt ate at him like atrophy, withering away his soul until he couldn’t bear the weight on his shoulders any longer.

If only you could forgive me.

“Elaine, please wake up. I’ll watch every rom-com movie you desire with you, I’ll let you win at video games, I’ll even bake strawberry cheesecake whenever you want, just wake up now..” Ian chuckled, resisting the tears that threatened to pour out. “Hey, if you’re not going to wake up, at least remember, I’m sorry for everything, and I love you so much.”

The last strands of his spirit slipped through his fingers as the heart monitor echoed its final breath.

If only you were still here.