Shhhhhhh!!! Secret!

• Kallum Ranke, Grade 7
• Short Story
• 2020

Shhhhhhh! It’s a secret, don’t tell anyone! If you tell someone, it won’t be a secret. Now, do you promise not to tell anyone? Swear on your life? Good. What did you say? You don’t know the secret? I literally told you like one minute ago! What? I didn’t tell you? O… well… I guess I should tell you. But on one condition, you don’t tell anyone else, not even the people you trust most. You promise? Good. Now… the secret is… you ready? Yes? Good. Because I thought that you weren’t ready. What? Am I ready? Of course I’m ready, why wouldn’t I? what? Because I’m about to tell you a secret? No! that’s not the reason, what?... I AM READY!!!... sorry… I just got a bit angry, that’s all. What? Did you just say I have anger issues? No? you sure? You’re not sure? Well guess what? I won’t tell you the secret, if you continue to be rude to me and lie to me. What? You don’t care about me telling you a secret? Well, what if I told you that it is about you? Ye, now you care. You don’t care? What if l tell everyone that you still sleep with your mum? what? You don’t sleep with your mum still? O… I must be thinking of someone else… ye… I was thinking of Tommy. What? You don’t know Tommy?... well, you should know him, because you see him every day… but you don’t talk to him… so I guess you shouldn’t know him… but any way. What? Will I tell you the secret now? Yes. Ok. I will. the secret is… get down!! Someone’s coming!! What? O, you don’t get it, do you? No? well… if they learn the secret, then they will tell everyone else the secret, and so the secret will not be a secret, it will be a non-secret and I will have no more secrets to tell… apart for the 98 other secrets I know that other people told me. What? You don’t think that I’m that trust worthy? Well… guess what… I am that trust worthy (emphasis on I am), and… I’m not going to tell you what those secrets are, I’m only going to tell you the secret that I’m going to tell you… which is the most important secret I know, now listen very, very closely. It is…wait… if I tell you, you need to promise P.R.O.M.I.S.E now… oh no… I forgot the secret.