(I Don't Know How) To Call Myself A Survivor

a survivor is always shown to be confident and satisfied
a survivor is always shown to be hopeful
the act of surviving is always shown to be beautiful and brave
to be rising from ash and something the world envies

I don't know how to call myself a survivor
not when the world expects survivors to be these amazing beacons of light
I can't call myself a survivor
not when surviving is shown as the glamourous start to a life everyone wants

the truth is: survival is a dirty thing
it stains you with blood from clawing your way out by your fingernails
survival doesn't give you a tiara and award you the title of prom queen
it gives you nightmares and a fear of things that remind you where you've been

portrayals of survival aren't real—they don't show the grime of the escape
there is nothing beautiful or rewarding about it
only when people see the pain, will we finally know
how to call ourselves survivors

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