Being Skinny Is Impossible

She was only eight years old when she first started noticing that she was different to the other girls. Every single one of them was tall blonde and skinny, none of which she was. The little girl felt the need to hide the fact that she was bigger then them, so every day, on the way to and from school she would always keep her heels off the ground, so when she sat down it would look like her thighs weren’t as thick. But one day she felt confident about herself, it was as if she saw herself in a new light. She thought “maybe no one will notice if my thighs look thicker”. So that morning she slowly walked to the back of the bus, hands shaking, armpits sweaty and she gently placed her feet flat on the ground. As she looked around the bus she noticed that a short stubby boy was looking at her. The immediate anxiety rushed through her body and quickly overwhelmed her so much that she had to pick her heels up off the ground. As she did so, she whispered under her breath “never again” and the so called ‘new light’ that she saw herself in, soon enough went dark.

Mid way through that year she started some bad eating habits. The little girl would never eat through the day but once the dark night sky hit she would creep out of her sparkling pink room to the pantry. She grabbed a stool and reached as far as a could to grab whatever she could fined. Whether it was a bag of chips or a small cupcake, it didn’t matter because she would always run back to her room and binge uncontrollably. The little girl only had one way to describe what she was going through and that was how eating became an unconscious thing, it wasn't a lack of willpower, it was like she was on autopilot, and before she knew it, the little girl was doing this almost every night for the next 5 years.

When high school came around the little girl was body shamed more. She became more and more self conscious with her body and it was taking over her. People would say to her that she looked skinny from the top but once you look down it was like a hippopotamus. Others would say that she had fat fingers or that she was a whale but no matter how many comments that they made she would never let them get to her, well at least until she was 14. When the little girl turned 15 It was like she was a antique, once she was broken she was never fixed. The little girl would let everything get to her and she was extremely sensitive. At one point even her own friends thought it was ok to body shame her. She knew she was broken but that didn’t stop her from skipping meals and weighing herself everyday, she knew it was wrong but it became an addiction.

The little girl, who was now not so little anymore, grew up to be just a teenage girl that was depressed all the time, at least that was how she was portrayed as. But she saw herself in a different light, she saw herself as the girl who got bullied into being the way she is, the girl that would stay in her room all the time and never go out with her friends. She never wanted this for herself, she just wanted to be skinny. But as she got older she came to the realisation that being skinny was impossible.

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