Letting Go

• Sara Zein, Grade 11
• Short Story
• 2022

My mind is a lake. Filled with unknown and dangerous memories lurking below, wanting to penetrate the surface and drown me. They pierce my thoughts, my happiness like a pin popping a balloon and letting all the life pour out. I come from a war torn country I can no longer call home, because home is where you feel safe. Home is where your parents are, the people in your life that love you. I am a young girl stripped of all this. Living in a country eaten up by conflict and destruction and spitting out all the innocent families that didn't deserve to die.

The atmosphere is grey. Bodies line the streets. The smell of rotting flesh is aggravated by the blistering sun that is beating down on this flattened city. My home, the victim of a deadly bomb strike killing hundreds. Half-faced humans limp around looking for their families. I am one of them, except I am not limping, I am running faster than I have ever run. Looking for someone who can help make my parents' pure hearts beat again. The ground is dry, sending plumes of dust into the air with each long stride. Their bodies are lying so elegantly on the rubble. I kneel down beside them, tears streaming down my face. I place their hands into mine, holding tightly. I never want to let go.

The room is silent and dark. I can't scream, speak nor cry. The movie of memories has finally come to an end.

It seems impossible to overcome those mind eating memories because they are etched so deep into my brain. Fear kidnaps me every time I relive that day, rendering me paralysed. I need to build up the courage I know has been lying dormant in me for years and use it. The same courage that travelled through the veins of my parents. I know deep down they want me to be happy, live life to the fullest but it's hard to forget, because one day I will return to the country that left me with nothing.

The room is still dark, still silent and I am still alone. Reaching down into the pocket of my trousers, I feel the rough edges of paper. My heart is not prepared for what is imprinted upon it. Me, my father, my mother. All together. A picture that reminds me of the jovial times. The corners of my lips lift to form a smile. A feeling I haven't felt in months. Courage and happiness are ignited within my body. I am finally ready to move on with life.

The surface of my brain begins to blossom with vibrant orange flowers, representing each loved one that I have lost. I am sailing among them surrounded by their love. My brain is wrapped up in a layer of calmness and I no longer feel alone. I am sailing further away from my traumatic past and closer to my freedom. I can finally let go.