Lemmings

• Tayce M, Grade 10
• Poetry
• 2006

Once upon a time there was a lemming; a cute, furry, brown, fluffy, round, relatively happy lemming. This small and unsuspecting lemming had a name, and this name was Laurence. Laurence the lemming had a friend. His friend was also a lemming. His little, hairy, lemming friend also had a name and her name was Gretchen.

One day the two mischievous and cunning lemmings were walking by a cliff. This was neither strange nor peculiar for these two lemmings who were plump and went by the names of Laurence and Gretchen because these unfortunate lemmings walked past cliffs every day of their tiny and insignificant lives.

Laurence the brown, furry and intelligent lemming and his friend Gretchen, the small but plump and round lemming watched the sun set and then Gretchen said to Laurence in a language which I am unable to decipher because I am a human being and human beings can most certainly not speak the same language as lemmings which are small and furry whereas human beings are tall and have quite a noticeably larger brain than a lemming which has a very small brain indeed but I understand it to be something along the lines of, “Oh my dear lemming friend who I have known for years and goes by the most definitely out-dated name of Laurence, do you by any chance remember our other dear lemming friend who was quite, quite rotund and went by the unusually exotic name of Gobnat and how yesterday around this time – but perhaps not because yesterday I was down by the pond so I have no idea when it actually was but I assume it to be around this time because I am an ignorant and naïve lemming and so I shall say it was around this time that Gobnat, our dear but unfortunately rotund friend committed a most disastrous and unexplainable act of SUICIDE and I, the young and naïve but attractively plump and fluffy lemming happened to come across the bloody and gory remains of our dear friend Gobnat which were utterly, utterly bloody and amazingly gory.”

And then I believe that Gretchen, the small and naïve lemming’s friend, the brown, furry, and slightly more intelligent and wholesome lemming who answered to the name of Laurence said, “Oh.”

After this Laurence and Gretchen the small and as I stated before quite insanely stupid lemmings decided mutually after one look upon each other’s hairy lemming face, hurled themselves happily off the tall and mountainous cliff. And, boys and girls, the moral of that long and incredibly tedious story is that lemmings have absolutely no intellectual capabilities whatsoever.



THE END