Tears Of Regret

I just couldn’t wait to visit her again. Memories of the time Kielle and I shared through childhood filled my mind. Even as we got older, she was always there supporting me, and my dreams. I was lucky enough to have those dreams fulfilled in my early years. I was sixteen when I was offered my dream job. Something Bella and I have in common. Though the job was in New Zealand, I took it without hesitation. It was Kielle that I always looked forward to seeing the most on my week spent back at home after each 6 month period of work. It was leaving her to go back that was the most difficult. It was always her who received the phone calls and letters I was allowed. Now, after all that time I have spent in hospital, test and operation after test and operation I get to visit her again. I stared down at the beautiful arrangement of red, white and pink roses, their scent filling my nostrils.

“Do you think she will like them Bell?” I gazed into the glassy brown eyes that remind me so much of Kielle.
“She’ll love them, I’m sure of it”, she replied, her somewhat saddened face lighting up as she realized I was watching her.
“Are you almost ready? We leave in fifteen minutes.” She informed me as she turned to leave the room.

Bella looked at me as we entered through the gate as if she was silently apologizing to me. I couldn’t understand why though.
“Sorry, but we have to make this quick, I have to get you back to the home before dinner, I’m leaving for New Zealand again tomorrow, remember?”
“Sure” I replied, though I didn’t remember.
I knew my condition was worsening and I had much less time than the two weeks they gave me. I just wished I could stay there, with Kielle.
I picked up the old basket of flowers and replaced them with the new roses. The stone grave bearing her name was surprisingly cold. I shouldn’t have let them post me. Then I could have spent the time on her that she deserved. Maybe then losing her wouldn’t have been as difficult. Maybe our true feeling could have been exposed to more than just each other on more than that one occasion. Tears of regret filled my eyes. Glancing around the cemetery, I could feel myself weakening as if all the energy in my body was being drained out.

“Come on dad, you’ve been out in the snow for too long as it is. We had better go.” She took one last look at the grave and whispered, “Goodbye mum.”
I could feel myself falling and wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t about to try and stop myself either. Bella’s desperate yells faded away until darkness claimed me.
Now Kielle, I join you forever, as I should have done long ago.

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