Talking T.V's And Biodegradable Undies

• Christopher Poermandya, Grade 4P
• Short Story
• 2008

“Hey you!” What? I sat up. “Yeah you!” It was coming from the T.V screen. “Don’t pretend you can’t hear me!” blared the T.V. Now I was confused. If memory serves me correctly, T.V’s can’t talk. Yes, that’s right. They can’t talk. SO WHAT AM I DOING HERE, TALKING TO A T.V? I started to panic. You would have if you were talking to a T.V. They say talking to T.V’s is the first sign of madness. Well, not really, but, you would probably be going mad talking to a T.V. Where was I? I began to be aware of the symptoms. Difficulty breathing, difficulty thinking, feeling nauseous, an unbearable choking pain… I was in my sister’s bedroom! ARGGHHHHH! Nooooooooo! It’s poisonous perfume gases are suffocating me! They’re suffocating you! ARGGHHHHHH! I’m going to die! I’m dying! Lights fading! ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… I was revived with a splash of cold water. Spluttering I sat up. “Don’t mention it.” Said the T.V. The T.V? ARGGHHHH! The T.V! “Don’t worry,” said the T.V, “I’m a friend.” ARGGHHHHH! How can I have a T.V as my friend? I fainted again. I was revived with, not a splash of cold water, but my deodorant. “My life flashed before my eyes.” I whispered. “It was rather boring.” I added. “Well tell me it.” Said the T.V. “Your life story.” “Well… it began when I was born, and ended when I died. Just joking! Well, my life’s most embarrassing bits were when I accidentally wore biodegradable undies. I wore them to swimming lessons because they looked like swimming pants. When I emerged from the pool, I saw kids pointing and laughing at me. I wondered what it was about. I looked down and blushed a deep, violent, I mean, violet red. They had disappeared! I covered them up and ran as fast as I could to the men’s change rooms. I blushed deeper when I saw that Elizabeth Wellhouse, the girl I loved, was looking at me and scoffed. And that’s about the last thing I remember.” “Then you ended up here?” asked the T.V. “Yeah, pretty much.” “Are you wearing pants right now?” I looked down. Oops. I still hadn’t replaced the biodegradable undies. They were gone. All I could see was, well, the long dangly bit that dangles near your undies if you are a boy. I blushed. Well, it’s not like the T.V could see me or anything, but it’s good to be on the safe side, so I covered them. “And is this all that this story is about? Just, the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me? Pretty much. “And we’re clear!” shouted Director Collins. “You were great Bobby boy!” “Really?” I asked. “Cause, I was pretty nervous.” “You were great!” He shouted. “You got the entire crowd anticipated! Consider yourself a raise!” “Thanks.” I said. And that’s the end of the show! Hope you enjoyed it! I sure did. See you! Bye-bye! Hasta la vista! That means goodbye. Goodbye! Later days!