Wanderlust

We had been trying to be adults since we were 15. When we finally reached 18, nothing changed. It wasn't until we were lying on the bathroom floor, drunk and high in two different states, that we realised age is just a number and reality is learning there's no such thing as being an adult. You only grow older. And if you're lucky, maybe a little wiser to become a father.

My daughter, Jenna, has days where she doesn't remember her past. She doesn't remember the faces of those who once shredded her self-esteem. She has those days when it comes back in a flash. All the pain, all the memories, smack her in the face. And she starts crying, shaking and I can't help to stop it. Because it's like a bad dream, and she knows it doesn't exist anymore, but she can't help think it might happen again. Just new faces, same old broken heart.

"Jenna, darling, I want to be your superman, I want you to love again be able to trust the guys you fall for. I may not be there enough, but I try sweetheart." Jenna was unstable and unsure. "Daddy, I don't need you to try and be my superman for me, I just need you to be there. Any battles we have, I want to face them together. I'm self-conscious; whenever you're with another girl, I worry they're more fun to be around. Whenever we see a pretty girl, I worry you think they're more pretty than me. I hate how many close female friends you have. When you're talking to them, I wish you pulled me closer so I could feel more secure. It's hard to compete with that many friends of yours. It's frustrating you have more close girl friends than guy friends. When I'm mad at you, I want to hug away the anger. When I ignore you, I want you to give me attention. When I tell you I won't text you so you can spend time with friends, I just really want you to argue with me and tell me I'm the only one you want to talk to. It's not just all the guys, it's you as well." I didn't think twice as much about this. My feelings are splattered all over the place, knowing I was never there for her when she needed it most while I was out with friends. "I am so sorry darling. I just thought you'd want to be free and explore your mind as well as the world. But listen, our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach use lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over again. If he, or anyone, isn't in awe of you, they don't deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If they can't see that, it's their loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power their heart. Be strong. If they ask you to change, be like the rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wondrous just like the way that you are. Be wanderlust."

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