Rapunzel

• Victoria Francis
• Poetry
• 2015

This charming little fairy tale,
I wish it had been put on sale
A little earlier in the year
Though it mightn't have stopped the jokes I fear.
I'm referring to, as you might know,
The 'dumb blonde' theory of years ago.
Though lately it has returned,
And many a blonde has been burned,
With jokes like "What does a blonde say first thing in the morning?"
"Are you all on the same team?" as she's yawning!
That is enough jokes for now,
This story starts with a haggard old cow,
A witch who played the cruellest joke
On a pair of kind and friendly folk.
She abducted the friendly young couple’s kid,
And then can you guess what the old woman did?
She locked the girl up, so she couldn't get out
And made sure that no one would hear her shout.
One day Rapunzel (that was her name)
Thought she'd trick the witch... (in vain)
As soon as Rapunzel was out the door,
The witch locked her up on the fiftieth floor!
Now being a blonde herself (very vain)
She threw the keys down a nearby drain.
Every morning she would beckon:
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel so pretty and fair
Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair.”
After a while the locals could see,
That the old woman wasn’t off her tree.
That there was in fact a young girl there,
Who had very, very long brown hair.
The prince who saw her said “Wow,
I’ve got to get to know her somehow.”
So one day after the witch had gone home,
Out of his own palace the prince did rome.
He cried:
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel you gorgeous chick
Let down your hair, I’ll be up in a tick.”
Rapunzel said “old lady, back already?
Gosh you are awfully heavy.”
When Rapunzel saw who it really was
She said “Get out of here because
If the old woman catches you…”
“Shh,” said the prince, “I think I love you.”
“In love with me?” Rapunzel cried.
She smiled excitedly, then she sighed.
“Oh get out of here climb down my hair
You just want to get inside my underwear.”
“No, no my sweet this is real, true,
I would like to marry you.”
Rapunzel mumbled, “You’re a prince you’ve got money.”
Then aloud, “When is the date of the wedding honey?”
They snuck a priest up the tower and wed,
But that night when they were sleeping in bed
They heard a mighty roar bellow “NOOOO”
From somewhere under the window.
The witch cried:
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel you little nitwit
Let down your hair so that I might hit
Your precious prince, your darling true
I’m the only one who love you!”
Rapunzel said “Hang on a tick.”
She gave her hair a mighty flick,
And quickly in no time at all,
The witch was scaling the building wall.
But… Rapunzel was clever, Rapunzel was quick
She chopped off her hair in one big “SNIP”
The witch went crashing to the ground,
It was obvious she was deathward bound.
Rapunzel turned towards the prince
“You’re next.” She said without a wince.
She pushed him out the tower window
As soon as he hit she heard from below,
The distinguished crunch of breaking bones
Why did she do it? Who knows?
But as soon as he was dead, I swear
She was an instant millionaire.
She fled the country, dyed her hair blonde
And from place to place she was ALMOST conned.
But as she refused them they said “dearie me,
That blonde’s as clever as can be…”
So blondes aren’t dumb (just to make it official)
As long as it is artificial!