The Worst Moment Of My Life

My head burrowed in my lap,
dreading the time they would come.
The pain in my chest, my head,
burning like the Amazon Forest.
Why do I have to leave,
Why do I have to go?
Do I have another choice,
I want to stay at home.
What will today bring,
Why are you taking me to the car?
Can I just stay home,
Where I am safe.
Walking inside, trying to run away,
Can't they see the sorrow and fear in my eyes?
Pushing me through the doors,
Why did they take me here?
Each time they look at me with the glare in their eyes.
Each time I try to talk but they push me away.
Each time I do something wrong and they make me feel weak.
Each time I'm alone and no one takes notice.
Sitting by myself waiting for the next hit,
Swallowing my troubles for them.
For the few people who support me,
For the few people that love me.
Why do I have to be me,
Out of everyone, every life, God could choose, he chose me to be me.
Why would he make someone look like this,
why would he give someone this many problems?
Me staring at myself.
Scrolling through Instagram seeing those perfect bodies,
seeing those perfect lives.
Staring at myself wondering what went wrong.
How many years do I have to stay in this shit-hole,
this anxiety starting, friendless, shit-hole.
I work hard, I fail.
I don't try, I fail.
I'm not good enough.
I'm not up to standard.
I've let them down.
I'm. not. good. enough.