Understudy

• Jasmine Zamprogno, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2009

Darkness submerged me and there was a deathly silence. My current location was uncomfortably humid, but that was the least of my worries. Any second now, a great spotlight would burst into life and pin me against the carefully painted backdrop and then there would be no backing out of my terrible fate. I would be a prisoner, unable to leave the unfeeling wooden floor of the stage, at the mercy of over a five hundred pairs of inquisitive eyes. I would have sworn quite colourfully at that exact moment had it not been for the microphone currently taped to the side of my head. True, it would have been rather interesting to see the expression on the face of the director, Mrs Brown, if the first word of her prized libretto was such an obscenity it would have to be censored. It would be like deciding to light the candles on a birthday cake inside a room full of petrol and firecrackers – highly entertaining, but quite possibly the last thing you ever saw in this world.
You see, contrary to popular belief, as everyone tells me I’m a complete drama king, I’m not an actor. Generally, I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t work at all and is therefore forced to sign up for the school play in order to gain the extra credit needed to avoid the torturous confinement known as summer school. I became an understudy for the lead, only because the lead in this play was shared, so there was a safe bet that I would never have to ‘grace an audience with my presence’. At least, that’s what Mrs Brown had said after my audition included pulling down the entire backdrop.
I seriously think she should have spent more time selecting her leads than worrying about me. First Henry breaks his wrist while playing sport. Understandable, had the sport not been netball for Christ’s sake. He said that his mother’s team had been a player down and it was supposedly a non-contact sport. Yeah, right. Then, Dillon’s grandmother, who lives in Sydney goes and dies and he has to travel down for the funeral. I mean, how utterly inconsiderate. Couldn’t the old lady have held on one more week before she kicked the bucket? People these days – so incredibly selfish.
This left none other than yours truly to play the lead role in front of a full house. Take me now, God, while I still have my dignity.
Mrs Brown’s voice comes over the loudspeaker. “Welcome, ladies and gentleman to tonight’s performance of Shrek. Owing to unfortunate circumstances, the title role will be played by Jason Thomas. Enjoy.”
The spotlight shines right into my eyes but I can still see the entire audience taking in my green skin, prosthetic ears and pot belly. Well, I guess everyone has to go down in history for something and dying of embarrassment might just be the role I was born to play. Here goes nothing.