Pain Is Love. Love Is Pain.

• Jessie Tang, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2014

Imagine this. Ever since the beginning of time, you were alive. You witnessed everything, but most importantly, you witnessed love. Every “love at first sight”, every “true love’s kiss.” Some loves aren’t simple; to be honest most of them are not. Every fight, every break up is cured by love, with all problems dissolved and sealed with a kiss. Love no matter how complicated, is still love. Now imagine witnessing every form of love in the world but not being able to have the ability to feel it; yearning just to experience the feeling of love for once. That is my life. My name is Amour although you might know me as Cupid.

Ever since Adam and Eve were created I was there. I was the reason they fell in love. All I had to do was aim my arrow at Adam and instantly he fell in love with Eve. I have been the cause of everyone’s love on the earth, apart from the purest love, which is the most magnificent sight to see when discovered. But that’s all I get to do - witness and see. I can’t experience it. After all my years on earth I still don’t know the true feeling of love.

If I’m being truly honest, there is no point in me living on this earth anymore. The only reason for my existence is to be tortured by the sight of love, knowing that I could never have it. After all the happiness I’ve caused others why can’t I have my own joy?

I have tried many ways to make myself love. I have tried putting my arrow into myself. Nothing. I have tried pulling out my feathers one by one from under my skin, but the only emotion I felt was pain. After pain I felt anger and then sorrow. The closest feeling to love I have felt is pain. With great love comes great pain. In my case it’s just pain. I have tried forcing myself to love others, but I can’t. I truly have no reason to stay. Not only does my disability not allow me to love others, I can’t even love myself.

I decided that it was my time to leave, to leave all my grief and depression behind me. I took my arrow staring at it. This device can give reason to live and reason to die. If entered deep enough where my heart lies, it’ll give me the satisfaction of knowing that I don’t have to live this wretched life anymore. I took the arrow with my hands slowly entered the arrowhead right above my heart. More and more the shaft of the arrow entered. I felt the arrowhead right above my heart. I plunged the arrow into my heart, feeling my soul drifting away.

In my last moments I realised that I was wrong. I had the ability to love, I just didn’t recognise it. I had been feeling it all this time.

Pain is love. Love is pain.