Painkillers

• Tahlia Weir, Grade 10, Mornington Secondary College
• Short Story
• 2014

Excellence Award in the 'The Text Generation 2014' competition

Every being, that lives, breathes and inhabits this earth, has its own self-indulgent, righteous
painkiller.
My dog, Sophie’s painkiller is pretending my rabbits are her puppies, since she’s never been able to, nor will be able to produce any of her own. My rabbit’s painkillers are jumping over small bales of hay, to simulate actually having free space to run around, rather than accept the fact they live in a small, enclosed cage.
My friend Serena’s painkiller is receiving compliments off of boys; her twin sister was always the more desired, rebellious, sexual one. Serena’s sister, Sara’s painkiller was the belief she hurt the boys who hurt her first, she could be easy but always get the last word; so it wouldn't ever matter.
My painkiller? My painkiller was a tall, handsome boy I met at work named Jordan. Being the 4th Jordan I have used, I obviously did not expect much from any brand with this cursed name. I told myself day in, day out “boys are useless. Love at this age is meaningless. No point.” Yet whenever I saw him, he acted in such increasingly sweet ways, the pain that caused my old attitude faded. Something about my painkillers packaging, its’ tattoo, its’ smile, its’ deep brown eyes, gave it so much more of a placebo effect, that I did not even realize.
The painkiller really started to kick in after I had a rough day in Melbourne city, I called my doctor and asked him “can you please bring me some painkillers when I get off the train?” My painkiller came with a latte in its hand, and a jumper to keep me warm. I sat and drugged myself in his car for at least 5 hours, we listened to bad music I pretended to like, spoke about freedom, how utterly pointless commitment was, and how all we wanted to do was skate and drink on a beach for our lives.
If I could go back and relive that day of sheer painless enjoyment for the rest of my life, I would.
I was prescribed this medication for about 5 weeks, until it got banned from my city and legalized in Sydney instead. Slowly its’ effectiveness faded, the painkiller began to really show how much it was in fact, just a placebo. This isn't what painkillers are supposed to do, “I'm becoming hyper aware of what’s going on, no… this isn't what’s supposed to happen” was what I told myself. “Oh well, I can do without them now. I'm stronger”. Who needs medicine to stop your heart from hurting? I can fix my broken walls with sheer willpower. I'm still working on that, but the painkiller the great doctor gave me, while it lasted, was what I needed. I won’t ever understand why he took it away.
Forever finding new doses of dopamine, Is what I will do; until hopefully I can find another brand of painkillers that were as good as you.