If Only

• Jade Newell, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2016

The day was cold and brisk and kids ran around, squealing and tugging on their parents arms to ‘pretty please’ push them on the swing. It’s quite a while since I’ve been anywhere near this place, something I’ve made sure of it. But today, well, I thought it was time. I need some form of closure, no matter how small or insignificant, it just has to be something. And this really is a good place to start. I sigh as I walk up to the tree I’ve been to countless times but have avoided so much lately. The tree used to appear so beautiful to me, covered in leaves and branches reaching for the sun. Now the tree seems dark and uninviting somehow. Can a person’s opinion of a place change that drastically? I suppose so.

The tree looks out over a lake, the playground behind it. I sit down and hug my knees to my chest. It’s early spring so the weather is still quite cold and the wind seems to go right through me, chilling me to the bone. Despite the weather, birds dip and dive on the surface of the lake, a fun game of ‘catch me if you can.’ In my mind I can see the lake glistening from the hot summer sun and the couples out on cute little rowing boats. I lean back and close my eyes and all of a sudden, all the memories I had spent so much time and effort trying to bury all flooded back.

The first time I visited that tree was nearly two years ago….. Well, time flies even when you’re not having any fun.

“Come on! Don’t be so blind! The guy clearly has it bad for you!” “Me? Ha, you’re good at jokes.” Despite doubting she said, I can’t help but smile. Bonnie was crazy. “No, no I swear he does! I’m not even kidding!” I laugh, “Don’t get my hopes up Bonnie.” Bonnie rolls her eyes and laughs too. “Alright, well if we don’t start this homework, we’ll never begin. Although, did I tell you what Madison told me? Jesus, I couldn’t believe it, she’s only sixteen! How can she already know what she wants? If you ask me….” I tune out now and look at the clouds.. It was a beautiful day.

Back in reality, it’s hard to believe I was once so stress free, the biggest concern was if I was asked to the school dance! Now my whole life is made up of stress! Life is so…. Overwhelming, it’s impossible to deal with. Maybe that’s why I don’t.

What’s the point of trying to deal with something if you know it’s just going to go on? If the stress and the mentality of a rushed life never stops?

This tree fills me with longing. Longing for a better time, a time when the leaves were alive and coloured instead of grey and lifeless. If only time could fold back on itself and I could live carefree again. Oh well. It was time to go.

As I sit up to leave, I take one last glance at the tree. If only. If only.