Barny Owell$

• George Lu, Grade 11
• Short Story
• 2017

You walk over into a park where the floor is either concrete, rubber or wood chips. You sit down on the swing and begin to twist yourself, around and around, the crunching of the chains ringing in your hands. You wait in anticipation, and let go… Your smile reaches your eyes and you hang your head back, hair flowing in the air. Wheeee! Yet afterwards, you let out a sick groan, holding your funny stomach. As you clutch your head with both hands, the world begins to spin out of control.

Barny Owells was a dashing fellow, the definition of capitalism, the epitome of rich. However, he wasn’t always THE GOAL. In this life you are either born poor, average or rich. Barny Owells didn’t fit on this spectrum. At the moment of Barny’s birth, James Owells, his father, was listed by Forbes as a multi-billionaire so only a life of diamond cradles, a personal butler at age four and the toys of the world were to welcome him. In diamond earrings, his mother Gina Owells, was once a precocious lady yet now lived a simplistic life, so stupefied with the hordes of designer clothes and distracted by the constant dazzle of jewellery that she barely ever made it outdoors. A shrieking ringtone that screamed office drudgery burst from the overflowing pockets of James Owells, causing Barny to explode in a fearful fit. It only felt moments later when the diamond earrings of her mother had disappeared did his parents join in with bursts of emotion, a loud horrible noise worse than that of mediocrity poured from gaping mouths as tears plummeted to the floor. Barny would only ever see her mother’s ears adorned with red diamonds now…

Barny was, quite literally, too cool for school. He spawned $800 custom Nike shoes and the coolest bling on the market including the not-even-released iPhone9s. While others ran around clueless with their moth eaten capes pretending to be superheroes, Barny Owells was a real-life superhero. Once, he had thrown bundles of cash at peasants in the city, as they clawed at every fallen note. Butler, the one holding his Vucana wool teddy bear, had applauded him for his great service and kindness. In comparison to those who tipped 20 cents out of their measly incomes, Barny really was a superhero.

His motto: “Money is the root of all good.”

Young and brash, women followed him, or rather, the bulge in his pants. Never had he felt such unrequited love! And so many to pick from too! There was nothing money couldn’t do. One day, while sipping honeydew on the beach of an island he owned, Barny felt the biggest pain he had ever known. Clutching his stomach, the feeling of impending doom overwhelmed him as Butler stood silent with anxious eyes. The world started to spin out of control as Barny Owell hurled his lobster lunch onto the hot sand below.

That’s what it’s like, to be stupidly rich.