Can I Make You Smile?

• Maali Pilli, Grade 4
• Short Story
• 2018

Hi there! I have some good news and some bad news that I must share with you. I might also have some more bad news, but no more good news. Okay, bad news first: The sea creatures are at war, Jupiter fired Callisto, and the local chicken shop closed!
Now, whilst you might feel sad and depressed about that, here's some good news. I finally found my sock!
That news might not have interested you much, so to cheer you up, here is an intensely depressing short story.
One day, the sad little rabbit hopped onto the road and got run over by a truck. He rotted away and went to heaven.
Okay, lesson learnt for today, writing about sad little rabbits doesn't help when you're trying to make someone happy.
Aha! I know what might make you laugh!
ltsy Bitsy Spider climbed up the waterspout. Down came the rain and washed poor ltsy out. Out came...
No, that's stupid. I didn't even laugh writing it. I don't blame you, I'm terrible at amusing people. I can't make jokes. Here's one that wouldn't even make the Queen of Laughter smile.
What do you call a lame joke? This one!
See? That was worse than ice cream in a broccoli smoothie! Drink the whole cup! No exchanges! It was on sale for crying out loud! Yes! Good customer! Goodbye!
Now, what else could make you smile? Hmmmmm... I know! Random Words! Freckle, unicorn, explosions, Callisto, fired.
Now I'm just depressing you more. You may as well go off and cry all night. Wait! I have the sudden urge to write the word Snail. So, I shall. Snail.
There, I'm finished, but I still haven't made you smile. It's annoying. More annoying than my cousin Lily asking me to do her chores 700 times each day. If I don't do it she puts me in a box.
I'm tired. I'm all out of funny ideas to make you smile. (Not that I had many in the first place.) So, I'm going to refresh my mind by writing some random names. Just ignore me for a second. Some Random Names.
Okay, I'm refreshed. But I think I'm going to give up. I'm going to complete this story without even making you smile. It was harder than I thought. If only I could have thought of some decent good news to tell you at the start, there'd be no need for anything else. WAIT! I just remembered! I DO have good news! I can't believe it! Just give me a minute and I'll tell you... Actually, that's long enough.
Here's some good news, Calliste, who's a moon by the way, got another job around Mercury!
There. That's it. Now that I've written it down, it doesn't really sound that amazing. So yeah, I guess I will give up after all. Please tell me you smiled at least once. Your very unfunny story writer and Writer Of The Story.