Parsnip Man

• Dakoda Wren, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2009

I felt a big bump so them I had to thump and then I saw it was my friend that I thumped and I saw he was unconscious so I said “help help help I need parsnip man with his powers of parsnipingnis” then suddenly I realized this was his home parsnip man bounced into the room with a apron and a broom on and then he looked at my friend and said “oh no oh no look at him his dead his dead and his name is Jim we need to do is fly over the hospital over the forest” and I said “no way”. As I was walking down the street I saw a girl walking and started stalking but then I went back in time and I stepped outside into parsnip mans living room saw myself talking and he was saying “I decided one late Sunday I would sleep to half past Monday th…” “No! No! No! Shut up okay now now now obey obey I’m really peeved” and my past self said while not rhyming “but I have to say Help help help I need parsnip man or he won’t come help” and then I saw Parsnip Man come in and said “Oh no…” then someone said “Shut Up!!!” And he walked into the room and said “Hi past me and past past me now this is where things will get interesting you see…” and then a Donkey walked into the room and said “did you tell him George that I Parsnip Man was accidentally turned into a donkey because your past you turned me into a donkey by saying twee twee twee” Poof “you Idiot you turned us all into donkeys” I’ll admit it was a bit silly” said Parsnip man “A bit silly it was absolutely positively the most stupid thing I have ever heard” “but” said Parsnip Man “but it was just an accident although being that mean you did sort of deserve it” he said “okay I’m sorry but why twee twee twee I mean it could have turned us into say a pedal or a scroll” I said then a sheep came I and said “hey guys this is supposed to be a children’s rhyming book not a book where we all get picked on! So F*@%* clean it up ok… ok good I’ll go tell management that we solved the problem.” “So” I said “I guess that’s why we’re Donkeys and all incredibly stupid” “oh yeah in fact the management I think is the galactic shhhhhmactic society of weirdo’s and lunatics or in other words the GSSWL” said Parsnip man “Parsnip” “yeah” “I knew you were stupid but I never knew you were raving mad” I said “screwdrivers” said Parsnip man then a pot of flowers stepped in and said “hey did you see a microwave and a shovel with matches” and then we Exploded.

The End by Dakoda Wren