I Was Only 19

• Kebs Faupula, Grade 10
• Short Story
• 2011

I was only 19 – Kebs Faupula 10P

Wet dark and cold, Vietnams jungle was where I lived, my home and now my way of life. I had no idea what I was doing. My life from a boy to a soldier gone in the blink of an eye once I received my conscription sentence. The training and the passing out parade where we all waved goodbye felt like years ago but it was only weeks. We did not know what lay ahead.
First day at hell, our battalion was on scout. That day I met Frankie he became my mentor and friend. He had signed up years earlier and had been in battle before, a worn face who had seen death and fear. He took me under his wing. We walked silently through the wet dark jungle, adrenaline pumping, and finger on the trigger. Out of nowhere Bernie screamed “contact to the rear” and I heard the sound of that barking M16.
I jumped to cover and crouched, as I turned to face them, I hit into a boy with one lucky stab of my bayonet into his chest. Down he went still alive looking right into my eyes – was this a child? he only looked 14. I rose my gun closed my eyes and put three bullets through his head. Killing someone left me feeling empty and part of me also died that day. This was not war like the comics or movies this was something else. But there was Frankie by my side, without saying a word his look said it all, he understood the emptiness that began that day. After fighting beside Frankie I became more confident I suppose he was my arch-angel of war, he saved my life at least 10 times. Maybe he would get home to his beautiful Jen and her homemade apple pie and me to mum dad and Denny, maybe, after all Frankie was right.
After months of killing young men just like myself I started losing it. I kept on seeing that boy that I killed; I kept on seeing his face. That look he gave me as I shot him. His eyes searching, pleading with me then the life drained away as he was gazing at me. In the middle of battle I had hallucinations of killing this boy. I would talk to Frankie about home, mum, my dreams and childhood – “You’ll be back there soon young mate, we all will”
As we set up for an ambush I was on watch everyone else was asleep. Out popped a head and 20 – 30 right behind. I raised my gun and froze; it was the boy I killed months ago. They kept coming closer and closer I couldn’t do anything I just sat there unable to even warn someone. Then I heard an almost silent voice “C4, Doug hit the C4”, I jumped 1m onto the trigger. An almost deafening noise and white blank picture in front, a hand soon appeared helping me up there was Frankie telling me “it isn’t over yet, we will flank them from the back.” We crept around behind the enemy. There was a lot more soldiers than I expected, we raised our M16’s, with one of their heads in my site, he whispered “on my mark” Then I heard a click he stepped on a mine. I woke up with a few bruises and grazes but there was Frankie barely breathing screaming my name, with every little bit I had left I screamed “medic!” There was Frankie asking how bad it was not knowing everything below his waist was next to him and his arm hanging by his skin. His last words were “do your mum proud kid and give this to Jen” and passed me the letter. As I said “you will give it to her yourself” he closed his eyes and didn’t wake. I wished it was me. I was only 19.