Under Hand Murder

• Kaitlyn Haynes, Grade 11
• Short Story
• 2011

The groove down the centre of the hallway gives testament to the number of times I have paced. The stunning glass and intricate wood carvings lining the hallway mock me as I walk, like a ghost, drifting soundlessly over the wood floor. The light gives off reflected glory from my unique gilded dress, this is all people see but behind it is rot! This place is beautiful but I can’t lie convincingly to myself anymore. There are so many things I questions and doubt. So many unspeakable secrets are hidden within the walls of this place, my prison.

I remember an old Chinese proverb that my grandfather used to recite, “Gold and jade on the outside, rot and decay on the inside.” This perfectly reflects the health of my mind and my life. A life filled with male dominance and oppression! My isolation and sadness have threatened to overwhelm me.

Who do I trust? Who can I trust? I now know that my marriage to the Emperor was for political reasons. He was a General and I was the daughter of a king. It was my function to provide him a step to the throne. It was my duty to provide an heir. Yet, once my heart was filled with joy at the thought of being his wife, now it is ashes.

Once the excitement of living within these beautiful surroundings had passed, I soon discovered that beneath every exterior lies a dark and appalling truth. Does he know about Wan and I? I can feel the cold certainty of fear rise in my chest lie shards of glass piercing my soul. If he knew, my life would be forfeited. Sometimes in his eyes I see abject hatred but other times cunning malice.

I feel tremors, working their way up my body. My vision is blurry and my voice escapes me. My mouth is dry; there isn’t a drop of saliva left that allows me to speak. My body begins to quiver and I notice this excruciating pain, as if something sharper than a sword is slicing through me.

My hands move to my chest. I am not sure if I can feel the beating of my heart.

His Majesty insists that I take his medicine, even when I’m not ill. In the beginning I wondered why, why he made me drink his vile concoction? I initially thought it was because of his affection for me but then I remembered his dark purpose and knew otherwise.

I believe his insistence is a form of control and oppression of me but this can never be spoken of. He is the Emperor and I am his chattel.

Male domination! I have to keep playing my part even though I am a victim of his sadism. He speaks to me as if I’m inconsequential and belittles me in front of the court. His power and authority consumes him. His public and private faces sit well with him but not with me!

It is in the groove of the well worn hallway that I finally collapse. The oppression is over and I am free.