Leaving The Monster Behind

• Melanie Mitrevski, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2012

She knew, as she pulled out the object, that she had to do it. A gasping breath filled her lungs as the cool metal of the barrel grazed her fingers. Her heart was in her throat, choking her, willing her to stop, but she knew she couldn’t turn back, knew it was too late. Her trembling finger traced over the curved trigger of the object, getting acquainted with it’s new-found friend, building up it’s strength.
‘you can do it, be strong!’ said a voice on her right shoulder, a miniature version of herself dressed in a devil’s costume. ‘think about your family!!! How will they feel?’ she jumped slightly, turning her head to look at the angel version of her on her left shoulder, and, in doing so, squeezing her finger down onto the trigger.
There was an explosion of pain in her temple as she felt a second, smaller, metal object lodge itself in her brain, then blindness, nothingness. She had seen the light, was a departed soul. She new she wasn’t dead yet, but she wasn’t alive, either. She could feel nothing, hear nothing, sense nothing, but she was vaguely aware of what was going on around her. She knew that she was upset, but she couldn't feel it. She knew she wanted to die, but somehow she just couldn't muster up the willpower to step into the light. She was trapped between 2 worlds unable to choose; pain or pleasure, heaven or hell, angel or monster.
She knew she had nothing to live for in the hell that had taken over her life. Her family had all turned against her, beating her, abusing her almost daily. Her innocence had been stolen by her 'friends', who had teamed up with her dad in bullying her. It was as if she was no more than a cockroach on their perfect, shiny floor, creating a mess.
They all said “At least you're not being neglected!” but she would rather be neglected than live her life. No one had a clue what her life was like, other than her friend, Lachlan. He was like a big brother to her, the only one who would partially understand. He listened to her, she listened to him. They shared their deepest thoughts and no one even had to know. But this time, even he wasn't worth it.
But still, there was something holding her back from parting with her life to explore the unknown with sweet death. It was a voice, one that she had never heard, telling her that it loved her. It was hard to tell whether it was male or female, but either way, it was lying. Love didn't exist, wasn't real. It was just a false pretence to break someone's heart. Her heart was already broken, she didn't want it smashed again.
She knew what she had to do. The call to leave was too great. She had to leave the thing that made her life miserable. Life was a monster, and she had to leave it behind.