Jack And The Baked Beanstalk

• Corey Nelson, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2013

Jack and the baked bean stalk
Once upon a time there was an 11 year old boy called jack. Poor Jack
wasn’t very bright. Luckily his mum Mary-Anne-toe-jam-Julia-Megan-
Emma-supercalafragalisticecxspealadocious the five hundred and
fifty second point three five seven oh, wasn’t quite as dumb, though
that isn’t saying much. Even so they were very proud of their maths
skills. They knew what 3.14 equalled. Yummy.

One day jack was sitting trying to remember how many toes he had
when his mother Mary-Anne-toe-jam-Julia-Megan-Emma-
Supercalafragalisticecxspealadocious the five hundred and fifty
second point three five seven oh said,
‘Jack, my son, take these baked beans and sell them. We only have
100,000,000 in the bank so you need to get a good price for them’
(like I said before, jack and his mum weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed)
‘Ok’, said Jack, ’who should I sell them to?’
‘The first person you come to’
‘The very first?’
‘The very first’

So Jack set off. He walked for a while. And then a bit longer. And a
bit longer, until finally he met two CIA agents
‘Good morning’ Jack said
‘Good morning’ said CIA agent 1. ’What have you got there?’
‘Just a tin of baked beans, would you like to buy some?’
‘Sure, how much are you asking for them?’
‘We were thinking somewhere around
$1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,0
00,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.’
‘Yep, we’ll take them’
Finally spy number 2 spoke up ‘Are you INSANE???!!!!!!!!!!!!’
‘Probably,’ said spy 1
And with that he pulled out a banana and hit spy 2 over the head.
‘Okay now let’s plant them’ said Jack ‘after all, this story IS called
Jack and the baked bean stalk’
‘Great idea, we’ll steal the hen that lays the golden eggs and become
rich and famous.

So they planted the seed. There was only one problem. It would take
about three hundred and fifty years to grow to its full height.
So they said ‘We’d better go to Kmart and buy some children and grandchildren.

So they bought the children, and eventually jack and spy 1 died. And
then their children, until only the great grandchildren were left.
Eventually they got bored of trying to pull off their Kmart tags. So
they decided to climb the beanstalk. So they started climbing, and
after 5 years, 48 days, 10 minutes, and 3.5 seconds (but who’s
counting?) they reached the top of the beanstalk. All of a sudden they
heard ‘fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Australian’, as a giant
figure loomed over them. All of a sudden 1 brave Kmart product
dashed out and grabbed the hen. Oh, dammit I’ve gone way over 300
words. Bit of a shame really, just when the story was getting a bit serious and interesting too. Oh well, I guess this is The End.