I Want To Matter

• Esther Giang, Grade 12
• Short Story
• 2013

I wish to be something you need, not just something you want.

I don’t want to be discarded or pushed away when I’m not wanted. I don’t want to be like a piece of paper you scrawled a poem onto and then chucked into the bin, only for you to realise you want to use me again because there are no other pieces of paper around for you to write on.

I want to be like burning magnesium ribbon – something so bright you’re warned to look away for safety. But you take a peep anyway, marvelling at just how extraordinarily radiant I am until you force yourself to look away, my light still lingering in your vision.

I want to be loved like your very life depends on it, as if you feel incomplete when I am not with you, my absence a weight on your shoulders. I don’t want you to just desire my mundane flesh, my unique qualities or my presence.

I want to matter.