Panic

• Megan Morrissy, Grade 10
• Short Story
• 2013

PANIC ALARM
MEGAN MORRISSY

I could feel it inside me. Rising up in my stomach, reaching for my chest. I knew the feeling all too well. I tried my breathing exercises, but they had never worked for me. Especially when I was this far gone already. The panic and anxiety had reached too far inside me. Everything felt heavy. As if I was under water.
Before I knew what I was doing, I had my phone in my shaky grasp. He picked up after the first ring.
“Hey, you!” His voice, usually so calming to me, just raised the feeling of panic and fear inside me.
“Hi.” I said breathlessly as tears started to pour from my tired eyes.
“What’s going on?” He asked, still oblivious to what I was feeling.
“Um, I’m home alone.” I struggled to find the words. “It’s, uh. It’s bad. I didn’t know who to call.”
“Are you okay?” Alarm struck up his voice which made a sharp feeling stab right through my insides.
“No.” I had no breath to say more.
“Stay there. Get into bed and stay there, I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”
The dial tone rang in my ears like a panic alarm. I fumbled with my thoughts to find some kind of anchor to drag myself across my bedroom to my bed. I slowly pulled back my blankets, feeling like if I moved faster, I would break into pieces. I lay my head down on the pillows and buried myself under the blankets.
I tried to clear my mind but the black hole growing inside me made that impossible. My breathing was shallow and fast. My thoughts racing. All I had to hold on to was the promise that he would be here soon.
I counted up from 0 to quieten my mind. It made it better but the hole didn’t stray. The pure emptiness still lingered.
I had just reached 700 when I heard my door open. I didn’t move. If I moved the feeling would stab me.
I felt him sit on the edge of my bed and gingerly touch the strands of hair spread violently across my pillow. I could hear his short, jagged breaths, almost in time with mine. He lay down next to me, his chest against my side, and spread his long, hot arm over my torso. My left hand gripped tightly to his forearm. He felt hot. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck as his breathing slowed and ran peacefully down my neck.
Neither of us moved nor spoke a word. Just to feel his warmth next to me, the black hole started to fade. I started grasping onto reality again. Slowly but surely I could breathe again. My chest rising and falling deeply like someone who had just been bought back to life. He raised his head and kissed the top of my head that poked out from the blankets. I sighed and removed the blankets from my face, moving them down to my chest. I closed my eyes and lay my head on his arm.
“Thank-you.” I whispered.
“I love you.” He whispered.
I reached with my left hand and grasped onto his right. It was clammy and sweaty. Only then did I realize.
“How did you get here?” I asked quietly, my eyes shooting open to meet his. His face was red and sweaty. “You don’t have a car.”
He smiled a smile that could melt a million hearts. “I ran.” He said.
I stared in disbelief. “You live 20 kilometres away.”
He chuckled. “I know.”
I didn’t know what to say other than, “Why?”
He looked me dead in the eye. “I already told you why. I love you.”