I Can’t Make A Difference

Lying here and all I can see is grey. I am buried in dust. It is very quiet. I think it might be night time, but I’m not sure as I haven’t seen light in ages. No one has touched me and having no one who has loved you for a long time, it is hard to understand what love is. Pain is the only way I can describe it. It’s like your heart weighs more than the rest of your body. Like there are grey clouds above your head and nobody else. I was loved once, held by warm and gentle hands for years. That’s how it was, then there was sadness. I was hugged so hard I thought I would break, and then I was put away and forgotten about. I don’t know where they put me, but I’m here lying stiff, not daring to move. There is still sadness in the air. No one has entered or left, wherever I am?

The floor boards don’t creak like they use to. There are still whimpers and cries, but that hasn’t happened for ages. I’m questioning if anyone is around? I would call out, but if I tried, it wouldn’t make a difference. Besides, I’m just a little doll. I can’t make a difference! I’m just a doll; a helpless little doll.

“Oh don’t be so ridiculous,” said a snooty English voice. “You’re probably the last doll in the universe that has any hope left. Don’t lose it now! Just knock over that glass jar next to you and save yourself.”

“Why don’t you do it? You’re bigger,” I said. “And anyway, I can’t make a difference, and even if I tried, it would just make a tiny ting.”
“I’m an old antique doll from the nineteen hundreds. A little girl won’t love me.”
“Just do it,” the English doll said in a more harsh tone.
So I rocked myself from side to side, this way and that, my joints aching from lying flat for all that time. With a crash I fell face first, chipping the end of my nose. For a few moments it was silent, but then there was a creak and then another. I could hear footsteps flurrying down the stairs. The door slid open and I could see light! I felt hands curl around me. Then I felt my face touch her cheek. “A hug!” I thought, and boy it felt good.
I was loved, finally, after all these years. I was loved!

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