NEVER WAKE UP...

• Lulu Bai, Grade 7
• Short Story
• 2013

I didn’t care anymore. My mind was in the phase where I could only focus on solely destroying myself…destroying my flesh. I ran my shaking fingers across the scars that marked my memories. Every scar had a story. My mind flashed back to earlier that day.
* * * * * * *

We were in science class. Everyone gathered together, excited with the experiment. I was left undisturbed, as usual. Suddenly out of the blue, someone shouted from across the room,

“Hey look! Jemma’s arms are bleeding!”

I noticed with horror that the scars on my arms were trickling with blood. Embarrassed, I let my long strands of hair cover my face. Just then, I felt someone roll up my sleeve. Annoyed, I pulled away, but shockingly, it was too late.

“Look! Jemma’s been cutting!”
“What a freak…”
“She self-harms?!”

* * * * * * *

Those piercing words stung my mind. I sliced another cut on my arm. Red flowing blood gushed out of the opening.

I felt the pain leave and come flooding back. It was relieving pain.

……“You do realize you’re a waste of space, don’t you?”……

*Another cut.*

……"For all of our sakes, just kill yourself already!”……


I buried my head in my cut hands, smothering them with blood. I tried to block out my thoughts, but more and more nasty comments from the past permeated my head endlessly.

……“Just kill yourself already…”……

I collapsed into tears; salty tears dissolved in my hands. Although the pain in my arms was tortuous, it was nothing compared to the amount of irritation I was going through. I tugged at my hair violently, suddenly attacked by a wave of frustration. I shot a look at my reflection and found my face constrained with a mixture of tears and blood. I looked pathetic.

With quavering hands, I grabbed the bottle of pills from the bathroom shelf. I took my time fumbling with the lid. Finally, I tipped out a handful of perfectly shaped, milky white pills. Time seemed to slow down. My mind raced. I made risky decisions between life and death. I stared at the pills in my palms that determined my fate. Once again, I heard harsh comments in the back of my mind. Without second thoughts, I scoffed the handful. I forced my teeth down, masticating the tasteless dose, and with difficulty, I gulped the whole lot down. Instantly, I started to feel nauseous and dizzy, but I wouldn’t allow myself to throw up. The world before me began to spin, and I fell to the floor with a heavy thud. Agonizing pain erupted from my shattered body, but I couldn’t care less. I was relieved with the hope of finally ending up somewhere I could be truly happy.

With that, I slept, praying that I would never wake up…