Terms And Conditions

• Sarah Maloney, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2014

What had I gotten myself into?
"I did not sign up for this." I said
"Oh yes you did." The girl sang. "Remember? Online Crossword? You agreed to enter the World Crossword Championship."
"No, I didn't" I replied.
"It said so in the Terms and Conditions. Don't tell me you didn't read them?" She asked, sounding vaguely offended.
"What? Who actually reads the Terms and Conditions? I'm not even good at Crosswords!" I was shocked. No one I knew read them.
"What else did I agree to?" I asked, worried that they'd want my first born child or something.
"Oh, I just need your right leg."
"My right leg?! What do you want that for?"
"I need it to clone you so we have more competitors in the Championship." She said this so matter-of-fact, that for a second I thought it was an adequate response to my question.
“You’re crazy” I said.
“I most certainly am not!” She looked hurt, her face scrunched up and she pushed me to the ground. I felt a small pain in my leg and everything went fuzzy.
"Oh! I'm dreaming aren't I?" I asked, laughing. I had to be dreaming.
The lady smiled and help up a saw. "Nope, i'm just cutting off your leg. Remember? You agreed to this."
I screamed, the pain suddenly hitting me. I squirmed and eventually wriggled out of her gasp, the saw leaving a gaping wound in my upper thigh.
"What the heck is wrong with you?" I asked, clutching my leg.
"That's rude" she said. "You should have read the Terms and Conditions. I'm sorry but I have no other choice but to delete your Online Crossword account."
Oh how terrible, I thought. I don't know how I’ll live without it.
"Go ahead." I said out loud. "I don't care, just take you and your stupid saw and get out of my house!" My vision was still blurry, but getting better,
"Oh!" She exclaimed. "Before I go, I need you to sign this contract saying that any injuries that you may have obtained because of not reading the terms and conditions are your own fault and not the fault of Online Crossword and also we get to have your first born child..."
"Get out of my house!"
"Okay, fine, I'm going!" and with that she grabbed her saw and the contract and walked out the front door, shutting it with a bang. Looking down, I saw that my right leg was covered with blood and I had begun to feel faint.
"I think I'll just…call an...ambulance..." I dropped to the floor.
Around 2 hours later, my mother found me. I don’t remember any of this, she told me everything, but apparently I was covered in blood and lying in an awkward position. She called an ambulance and the next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital bed, saying the phrase
“What about the privacy policy?”